IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart shows British Emigration to selected destination between 2006 and 2009 Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant

The bar chart compares
British
Use synonyms
 Emigration to
chosen
Correct article usage
the chosen
show examples
point
Check wording
period
show examples
 from 2006 and 2009.
Overall
Linking Words
, the country with
most
Correct article usage
the most
show examples
emigerations
Correct your spelling
emigrants
 from England was Australia in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 whole period,
while
Linking Words
 Greece was
least
Correct article usage
the least
show examples
except
Punctuation problem
, except
show examples
2007
Change preposition
in 2007
show examples
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 was
second
Correct article usage
the second
show examples
 highest
in
Change preposition
among
show examples
5
Correct article usage
the 5
show examples
countries. Looking at details, Australia was
most
Correct article usage
the most
show examples
 preferred country to emigrate
with
Change preposition
to with
show examples
 well over 40.000
people
Use synonyms
 in 2006 and approximately 45.000
British
Use synonyms
. The
2008 year
Correct word order
year 2008
show examples
 has shown well under 50.000 and just over 50.000 in 2009. Canada
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 had around 37.000
people
Use synonyms
 in 2006 and in 2007.
However
Linking Words
, in 2008 the
number
Use synonyms
has been
Verb problem
apply
show examples
decreased from 37.000 to around 29.000.
The
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
2009 was almost the same with 30.000.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the
British
Use synonyms
emigrations
Fix the agreement mistake
emigration
show examples
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 Germany was
second
Correct article usage
the second
show examples
 lowest in the list with about 23.000 in 2006, almost 22.000. The
number
Use synonyms
 in 2008
become
Wrong verb form
became
show examples
 just the same
asa
Correct your spelling
as
 in 2007 but a bit lower. In
2009
Punctuation problem
2009,
show examples
 the
number
Use synonyms
 decreased to 20.000.
Hovewer
Correct your spelling
However
, the USA had a bit more
emigrates
Use the right word
emigrants
show examples
 compared to Germany with about 23.000 in 2006, 20.000 and approximately 25.000 in 2007 and
2008
Punctuation problem
2008,
show examples
 respectively. In
2009
Punctuation problem
2009,
show examples
 the
number
Use synonyms
fall
Wrong verb form
fell
show examples
 for a bit and had around 24.000
people
Use synonyms
.
In contrast
Linking Words
, Greece
where
Punctuation problem
, where
show examples
 in 2006 the rate was the lowest compared to other years and had just over 12.000
British
Use synonyms
emigrates
Use the right word
emigrants
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
, the
number
Use synonyms
 increased dramatically with about 35.000 in 2007. In 2008 and
2009
Punctuation problem
2009,
show examples
 Greece had about 13.500 and approximately 13.000
Use synonyms
people
Punctuation problem
people,
show examples
 respectively.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words british, people, number with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "compares" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "just over" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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