IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Living in a country where you have to speak a foreign language can cause serious social problems, as well as practical problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Try for free →
In today's world,the discussion of whether living in a
country
Use synonyms
 where
people
Use synonyms
 must speak a foreign
language
Use synonyms
 may lead to serious social
problems
Use synonyms
 and practical
problems
Use synonyms
.As far as i concerned,
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 believe that it can
cause
Use synonyms
 some
problems
Use synonyms
. On the one hand,
people
Use synonyms
live
Wrong verb form
living
show examples
 in a
country
Use synonyms
 where they must speak a foreign
language
Use synonyms
 may
take
Verb problem
face
show examples
 some troubles in their life.A large number of
people
Use synonyms
 are not used in foreign
language
Use synonyms
,so when they need to communicate with other
people
Use synonyms
,it may
cause
Use synonyms
 a few mistakes.
For instance
Linking Words
,if
people
Use synonyms
 want to buy something
that they
Correct word choice
but
show examples
 do not know where they can buy
.
Correct pronoun usage
it.
show examples
They have to ask other
people
Use synonyms
 by speaking a foreign
language
Use synonyms
.Not only
it may takes
Correct word order
may it take
show examples
 a lot
time
Change preposition
of time
show examples
that they
Wrong verb form
to
show examples
 consider how to ask,but
also
Linking Words
 other
people
Use synonyms
can
Verb problem
may
show examples
 not understand.So,it will
cause
Use synonyms
 some practical
problems
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,the requirement may
also
Linking Words
 lead to some social
problems
Use synonyms
 that
people
Use synonyms
 may choose to move to another
country
Use synonyms
 to live.
Use synonyms
people
Fix capitalization
People
show examples
 living in a
country
Use synonyms
 come from different countries,so the requirement is
so
Rephrase
apply
show examples
unreasonable for them.They can pick another
country
Use synonyms
 where they do not have to speak a foreign
language
Use synonyms
.That will lead to the number of
people
Use synonyms
 living in the
country
Use synonyms
 becoming fewer and fewer.
In
Correct word choice
If
show examples
this
Linking Words
 continues,the
country
Use synonyms
 will not develop.
there
Fix capitalization
There
show examples
 will not
have
Verb problem
be
show examples
 enough
people
Use synonyms
 to work
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 the economy will be affected significantly. In conclusion,
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 believe that living in a
country
Use synonyms
 where
people
Use synonyms
 must communicate
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
 a foreign
language
Use synonyms
 can
cause
Use synonyms
 some
problems
Use synonyms
including
Punctuation problem
, including
show examples
 social and practical issues.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Task response: Answer the question more clearly. Say if you agree partly or fully, and keep this same idea in all body parts.
task response
Task response: Add one more clear social problem. The idea about people leaving the country is not very strong for this topic.
task response
Task response: Use more real and clear examples. For example, talk about school, work, hospital, or travel.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Fix sentence form. Some sentences are not complete, and some are too long.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Link ideas in a clearer way. Use simple words like First, Also, For example, As a result, and In conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Make each body part focus on one main idea, then explain it with one example.
task response
Task response: You answer both parts of the topic: social problems and practical problems.
task response
Task response: Your opinion is clear in the introduction and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Your essay has a clear basic shape: introduction, two body parts, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: You use some linking words like On the one hand, On the other hand, and In conclusion.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • linguistic proficiency
  • cross-cultural communication
  • miscommunication
  • social integration
  • linguistic alienation
  • cultural dissonance
  • language acquisition
  • communication breakdown
  • interpreter services
  • language courses
  • bilingualism
  • multilingualism
  • language barrier
  • effective communication
  • cultural assimilation
What to do next:
Look at other essays: