IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Living in a country where you have to speak a foreign language can cause serious social problems, as well as practical problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

In today’s world, some
people
Use synonyms
 argue that living in a nation where you have to communicate
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
 a foreign
language
Use synonyms
 could generate serious social problems,
as well as
Linking Words
 practical problems. In my
views
Fix the agreement mistake
view
show examples
, I
toally
Correct your spelling
totally
 agree
the
Change preposition
with the
show examples
 notion, because the
language
Use synonyms
barrier
Use synonyms
 could lead to social isolation,
also
Linking Words
 harmful to mental
health
Use synonyms
. On the one hand, the first crucial reason is that
unnative
Correct your spelling
non-native
speaker
Fix the agreement mistake
speakers
show examples
are
Verb problem
find it
show examples
 hard to communicate with local
people
Use synonyms
 naturally. In daily life,
unnative
Correct your spelling
non-native
 speakers would meet some troubles in basic
backgrounds
Check wording
settings
show examples
,
such
Linking Words
 as shopping malls, libraries, and schools. The
language
Use synonyms
barrier
Use synonyms
 makes
people
Use synonyms
ignoring
Wrong verb form
ignore
show examples
 their idea, even
misunderstanding
Wrong verb form
misunderstand
show examples
 them.
As a result
Linking Words
, that might let them step away from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society and lose social confidence.
For example
Linking Words
, when we meet a foreigner in a shop,
where
Rephrase
apply
show examples
they ask us
for teaching
Change preposition
to teach
show examples
he
Correct pronoun usage
him
show examples
 to pay his bills. In order to reduce unnecessary troubles, we
usually might
Correct word order
might usually
show examples
 reject him. Since we cannot use
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 correct
language
Use synonyms
 to guide a foreigner.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the
language
Use synonyms
 obstacle would intensify the social gap.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, constantly
struggle
Wrong verb form
struggling
show examples
 to break the wall of
Use synonyms
language
Correct article usage
the language
show examples
barrier
Use synonyms
 is harmful
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
people
Use synonyms
’s mental
health
Use synonyms
.
Although
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
 try their best to
melt
Verb problem
blend
show examples
 in
local
Change preposition
with local
show examples
 communities, the cultural diversity of languages requires huge energy to adapt
it
Change preposition
to it
show examples
. That might lead to anxiety about making
mistake
Fix the agreement mistake
mistakes
show examples
 or whether
fully
Verb problem
to fully
show examples
 express themselves.
For instance
Linking Words
, some
unnative
Correct your spelling
non-native
 speakers usually
scare
Replace the word
scared
show examples
 to communicate with strangers, since they
Verb problem
are concern
show examples
concern
Replace the word
concerned
show examples
 that
people
Use synonyms
 cannot understand them. In the long term, they would
overwhelm into
Verb problem
become
show examples
suspecious
Correct your spelling
suspicious
, even lose
original
Correct pronoun usage
their original
show examples
identify
Replace the word
identity
show examples
.
Consequently
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
high pressure
Use the right word
high-pressure
show examples
 environment is harmful to their mental
health
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, discussing two aspects in terms of society and physical
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
. I strongly believe that the
language
Use synonyms
barrier
Use synonyms
 would bring significant social
problems
Punctuation problem
problems,
show examples
 even
threat
Replace the word
threaten
show examples
 physical
health
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

structure
Plan your essay before writing. Use four clear parts: intro, two body parts, and a short ending.
cohesion
Make one idea per paragraph. Start with a clear topic sentence.
grammar
Use simple grammar and check noun-verb form, especially with 'native', 'un-native', 'they' vs 'them'.
content
Give clear and real examples that fit the prompt. Keep them short and connected to your point.
language
Use linking words to show order and stance, like 'first', 'also', 'however', 'in conclusion'.
stance
You state a clear view and keep it to the end.
content
You link language issues to social and mental health problems.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • linguistic proficiency
  • cross-cultural communication
  • miscommunication
  • social integration
  • linguistic alienation
  • cultural dissonance
  • language acquisition
  • communication breakdown
  • interpreter services
  • language courses
  • bilingualism
  • multilingualism
  • language barrier
  • effective communication
  • cultural assimilation
What to do next:
Look at other essays: