IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Living in a country where you have to speak a foreign language can cause serious social problems, as well as practical problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Living in a
country
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 where you have to speak a foreign
language
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 can cause serious social
problems
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,
as well as
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 practical
problems
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. To what
extent
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 do you agree or disagree with
this
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 statement? The ongoing debate surrounding whether living in a
country
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you
Rephrase
where you
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 must speak a foreign
language
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 causes significant troubles has sparked considerable public discussion, often with opposing viewpoints emerging. From my perspective, I am firmly convinced that
this
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 circumstance can lead to some inevitable
problems
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 both in social and practical
aspect
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aspects
show examples
, but the
serious
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apply
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extent
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 depends on
national
Correct article usage
the national
show examples
situation
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, a belief substantiated by a significant body of empirical research and academic discourse. On the one hand, if some
people
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 have to speak a foreign
language
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 in a
country
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, they can be easily isolated, and they will have
low
Correct article usage
a low
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 status in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society. That's because
,
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apply
show examples
 these
people
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 with different cultural
background
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backgrounds
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 often have different religious
belief
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beliefs
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 and political views that other
people
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 could find difficult to comprehend,
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then
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so
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 it is too difficult for them to integrate into society.
As a result
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, their career development will be apparently restricted, and they hardly obtain achievements in some crucial fields, especially in politics and
military
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the military
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.
On the other hand
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, these
people
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 must confront enormous practical
problems
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 in various aspects of their daily life
including
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, including
show examples
 education, medicine, and recreation. There is no doubt that
language
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 barriers greatly contribute to their daily inconvenience. As an exemplify, medicine is the dominant problem, which we should not underestimate. As a patient, you can not describe your pain and symptoms precisely, which makes it too
confuse
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confusing
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 for doctors to diagnose diseases smoothly, even in
some
Correct determiner usage
an
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emergent
Replace the word
emergency
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time
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apply
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,
language
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 barriers may create an irreparable
situation
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.
As a consequence
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, those
people
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 who speak
foreign
Correct article usage
a foreign
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language
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 must
handle
Verb problem
deal
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 with these unavoidable troubles consistently in their daily life.
Although
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 living in a
country
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 where we have to speak a foreign
language
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 brings massive
problems
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, it does not mean these
problems
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 will be absolutely severe, because the serious
extent
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 mainly lies in the degree of openness in
this
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country
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. If the
country
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 is more tolerant towards
people
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 who speak a foreign
language
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, and implements supportive measures,
such
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 as providing
language
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 courses and promoting multicultural policies
—
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,
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then
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 their
situation
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 will be gradually improved.
For instance
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,
nations
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in nations
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 like Canada or the Netherlands, where multilingualism is often accommodated, foreigners face fewer barriers in accessing healthcare, education, and employment.
Therefore
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,
while
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 challenges exist, a society’s
openness
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apply
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extent
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 can significantly mitigate their severity. In conclusion, having critically assessed the evidence, I remain steadfast in my belief that
language
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 obstacles can generate some inescapable
problems
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 both in social and practical
aspect
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aspects
show examples
, but the severe
extent
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 depends on
national
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the national
show examples
 specific
situation
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, especially the degree of openness.

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task
Task response: You show a clear view and give both sides. You use examples like medicine and how a country can help with language courses. To raise score, pin down your main idea in the first part, stay on one idea per paragraph, and give one strong example for each idea. End with a short clear answer that repeats your view.
coherence
Coherence and cohesion: The flow of ideas is OK but can get messy in places. Start each paragraph with a clear idea sentence. Use links like also, but, however, for example to move ideas. Keep sentences short and easy. Break long sentences into two, and check small grammar mistakes so the money of the text is easy to read.
strength
You show a clear view and a plan in the essay.
strength
You use 'on the one hand' and 'on the other hand' to show both sides.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • linguistic proficiency
  • cross-cultural communication
  • miscommunication
  • social integration
  • linguistic alienation
  • cultural dissonance
  • language acquisition
  • communication breakdown
  • interpreter services
  • language courses
  • bilingualism
  • multilingualism
  • language barrier
  • effective communication
  • cultural assimilation
What to do next:
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