IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think learning history in school is important. Others think learning subjects more relevant to life is important. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

The ongoing debate surrounding school subjects has given rise to two distinct perspectives. One side argues that studying
history
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 is better,
while
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 the other side insists that subjects directly linked to life offer a more viable solution.
This
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 essay will carefully analyse both positions before presenting a well-reasoned personal opinion. It is justified for some to favour the view that
history
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 is philosophy, which
students
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 can benefit
in
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from in
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 all aspects of life.
Firstly
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,
history
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 is part of the culture of a country or a geographical region. Teaching
history
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 enhances
students
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’ strong sense of cultural identity and unity.
Secondly
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,
history
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 education fosters cross-cultural exchange and broadens their horizon, allowing them to embrace other cultures.
Last
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 but not least, it is looking through a historical angle that
students
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 become more open-minded and tolerant
on
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of
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 ideas different from their own, enhancing cross-cultural awareness and global citizenship. Some others hold the opinion that
real-life
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a real-life
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 scenario is a test that
students
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 need to prepare
.
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for.
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This
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 is because schools traditionally fail to address the problems that adapt
students
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 to the changing job market. In order to do that, school curricula should shift focus from rudimentary teaching to creative programs on applied science that can exercise logical thinking, rational attitude and analytical skills. These new areas born with artificial technology and higher techniques are the most valuable in demand to invest funding and conduct research.
Students
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 who are dedicated
in
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to
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 these relevant subjects are conducive to the advancement of science and technology. In conclusion, I believe that both sides of the argument are reasonable. On balance, I firmly claim that studying
history
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 is beneficial and has equal importance in contributing to a country. After all, the cultural values of a nation cannot be measured and are getting outdated in the new era. It is the accumulation of years that makes it priceless.

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task response
Your essay shows two views and a clear own view. To be better, add clearer reasons for each view and tie them to daily life. End with a strong, clear personal opinion.
coherence cohesion
Make the flow easier. Put one idea in each part and use small words to link ideas, like and, but, then, so. Check gets from start to end.
coherence cohesion
Check that every part has a goal and a clear link to the main idea. Use short and plain sentences to keep the flow.
coherence cohesion
Use few long or hard words. Read sentences to see if they mean what you want. Simple grammar can help a lot.
task response
Add a simple example for your point so the reader can see the idea in life. It can be everyday things.
task
Two sides are shown and your own view is stated.
structure
There is a clear start and end to the essay.
task
The goal of the essay is seen in the end.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • historical events
  • insights
  • past civilizations
  • contextual understanding
  • critical thinking skills
  • cultural awareness
  • practical challenges
  • modern world
  • self-sufficiency
  • financial independence
  • creativity
  • innovation
  • balance
What to do next:
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