IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In spite of the advantages made in agriculture, maney people around the world still go hungry. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem?

The persistence of hunger despite these agricultural advances has become a global concern. There are several reasons why
this
Linking Words
 is happening. Investing in sustainable agriculture can help prevent
famine
Use synonyms
 in the future. First of all, overpopulation in some countries
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 led to potential
drawbaks
Correct your spelling
drawbacks
. By
this
Linking Words
 I mean that it has the potential to cause
lake
Check wording
loss
show examples
 of land,
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
, and natural resources.
For example
Linking Words
, in Africa
because
Punctuation problem
, because
show examples
 of
population
Correct article usage
a population
show examples
 boom, a
megority
Correct your spelling
majority
 of
people
Use synonyms
 are living in poverty and suffering from
hungery
Correct your spelling
hunger
, which ultimately leads to
dying
Check wording
death
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 .
Moreover
Linking Words
, war and political
issue
Fix the agreement mistake
issues
show examples
 have a series effect. To be more precise, sometimes
people
Use synonyms
 become
famine
Use synonyms
 victims
due to
Linking Words
sanction
Fix the agreement mistake
sanctions
show examples
 and
inflaction
Correct your spelling
inflation
. For
instence
Correct your spelling
instance
, the US
impose
Wrong verb form
imposed
show examples
 a heavy embargo on Palestine, which
lead
Wrong verb form
led
show examples
 to hunger and
dying
Verb problem
the deaths of
show examples
 a significant number of
people
Use synonyms
 in the country.
Secoundly
Correct your spelling
Secondly
, the
govenment
Correct your spelling
government
 could come up with
a
Correct article usage
an
show examples
inform
Replace the word
informed
show examples
 plan to get rid of
famine
Use synonyms
,
hungery
Correct your spelling
hunger
, and poverty. They can
creat
Use the right word
create
show examples
 lots of job
opportunity
Fix the agreement mistake
opportunities
show examples
 for
inividuals
Correct your spelling
individuals
, like
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 farming, and support them to have a good income.
Additionally
Linking Words
, they can build a
communication
Check wording
relationship
show examples
 with powerful countries and request them in order to help. For
instence
Correct your spelling
instance
,
south
Fix capitalization
South
show examples
 America
requestd
Correct your spelling
requested
 to north America for cooperation and assistance to
relief
Replace the word
relieve
show examples
 from
famine
Use synonyms
. If
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 invest in
infarstructure
Correct your spelling
infrastructure
 and
control
Correct subject-verb agreement
controls
show examples
 the population, the country can be freed from
hungry
Replace the word
hunger
show examples
 and poverty. In conclusion
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
. In my opinion, the government
shoud
Correct your spelling
should
 put some incentives for
citizen
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
show examples
 to encourage them to do agriculture, and
also
Linking Words
 promote
farmeing
Correct your spelling
farming
 ways and
its
Fix the agreement mistake
their
show examples
 advantages through
media
Correct article usage
the media
show examples
 in order to raise awareness among
people
Use synonyms
 with the best results of farming.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

organization
Make one idea in each part. Start with the main point, add a small example, then end.
language
Use easy words. Fix big miss spellings and bad grammar.
cohesion
Link ideas with small ties like and, but, also. Make the move to the next idea clear.
content
Give real, small facts you can say in a few lines. Keep facts simple and true.
content
The writer tries to show what causes hunger and how help can come.
structure
There is a start and end in the text and some use of link words.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: