IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that governments should give financial support to creative artists such as painters and musicians. Others believe that creative artists should be funded by alternative sources. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

The general public has a multitude of views about the funding of creative
artists
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.
While
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 some people think that the
government
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 should not financially support
artists
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 as they do not directly contribute to society, I believe that there are strong and significant reasons why funding of
art
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 projects should come from both the
government
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 and the
artists
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 themselves. On one hand, some
art
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 projects without a doubt require help from the state. In European countries
such
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 as Italy and France, there are a lot of
artworks
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 in public spaces,
such
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 as streets or squares in city
centers
Change the spelling
centres
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. These
artworks
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 represent culture, heritage and history, which in turn serve to educate people about the city, and act as landmarks or talking points for visitors and tourists. The cultural implication behind those
artworks
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 can
also
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 increase the cohesion among citizens and
thus
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 enhance their sense of belonging to the country. Governments and local councils should
therefore
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 pay creative
artists
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 to produce
this
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 kind of
art
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, because without their
funding
Punctuation problem
funding,
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 our cities would be much less captivating and attractive.
On the other hand
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, I can certainly understand the arguments against
government
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 funding for
art
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. The main reason for
this
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 view is that governments have more important concerns. An example is that state budgets need to be spent on education, healthcare, infrastructure and security, among other areas. These public services are vital for a country to function properly,
whereas
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 the work of creative
artists
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, even in public places, is a luxury.
According to
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 Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs, physiological and safety needs always take precedence over elements of higher hierarchy, like the sense of belonging. If basic needs like healthcare services and national security cannot be fulfilled, it is pointless to sponsor
artists
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 even if their
artworks
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 can help increase the sense of belonging of citizens. Another point to note is that
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government's
Correct article usage
the government's
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 funding comes from
tax
Fix the agreement mistake
taxes
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 paid by citizens
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 the funding should be used to implement policies which can benefit the majority.
Artists
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 are only
the
Correct article usage
a
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 minority in society
so
Punctuation problem
, so
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 the general public may deem it unfair that the
government
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 uses part of their hard-earned money to sponsor something that they may not be able to be
benefited
Wrong verb form
benefit
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 from. Under
this
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 line of thinking, there are justifiable reasons why
artists
Use synonyms
 should rely on alternative sources of financial support, but
government
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 help is
also
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 sometimes necessary
as
Punctuation problem
, as
show examples
 it helps enrich a country's culture.

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task
Your answer covers both views and states your own view, but the final opinion could be clearer.
task
Add more strong and clear steps in each paragraph so your main point is easy to see.
content
Give more real life examples that fit the task and link them to your point.
coherence
Use short, clear links between ideas to help flow.
structure
Clear structure with an intro, body, and conclusion.
content
Good use of reason and some evidence to back ideas.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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