IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

The line graph below shows the percentage of people in Africa subscribing to mobil and fixed line phones from 1994 and 2004.

The given
line
Use synonyms
 graph illustrates the percentage of African inhabitants subscribing to mobile and fixed
line
Use synonyms
 phones between 1994 and 2004.
Overall
Linking Words
, the percentage of people using both mobile and
fixed
Use the right word
fixed-line
show examples
line
Use synonyms
 phones in Africa increased throughout the period,
while
Linking Words
 mobile
phone
Use synonyms
 subscriptions experienced a dramatic growth. In 1994, the proportion of fixed
line
Use synonyms
phone
Use synonyms
 users was considerably higher, at approximately 1.7%,
while
Linking Words
 mobile
phone
Use synonyms
 usage stood at only about 0.06%. By 2000,
although
Linking Words
 both categories saw a gradual growth,
fixed
Use the right word
fixed-line
show examples
line
Use synonyms
 subscriptions remained slightly higher.
In contrast
Linking Words
, in the same year, both lines met at around 2.8%, showing that mobile
phone
Use synonyms
 usage had caught up with fixed lines. From 2000 onwards, mobile subscriptions began to increase significantly, reaching nearly 6% by 2003. Meanwhile, subscribing to
fixed
Use the right word
fixed-line
show examples
line
Use synonyms
 phones continued to grow at a much slower pace. By the end of the period, in 2004, mobile
phone
Use synonyms
 usage peaked at around 8%,
whereas
Linking Words
 fixed
line
Use synonyms
 users increased only marginally, ending approximately 3%.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words line, phone with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "growth" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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