IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

The line graph below shows the percentage of people in Africa subscribing to mobil and fixed line phones from 1994 and 2004.

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The given
line
Use synonyms
 graph illustrates the percentage of African inhabitants subscribing to mobile and fixed
line
Use synonyms
 phones between 1994 and 2004.
Overall
Linking Words
, the percentage of people using both mobile and
fixed
Use the right word
fixed-line
show examples
line
Use synonyms
 phones in Africa increased throughout the period,
while
Linking Words
 mobile
phone
Use synonyms
 subscriptions experienced a dramatic growth. In 1994, the proportion of fixed
line
Use synonyms
phone
Use synonyms
 users was considerably higher, at approximately 1.7%,
while
Linking Words
 mobile
phone
Use synonyms
 usage stood at only about 0.06%. By 2000,
although
Linking Words
 both categories saw a gradual growth,
fixed
Use the right word
fixed-line
show examples
line
Use synonyms
 subscriptions remained slightly higher.
In contrast
Linking Words
, in the same year, both lines met at around 2.8%, showing that mobile
phone
Use synonyms
 usage had caught up with fixed lines. From 2000 onwards, mobile subscriptions began to increase significantly, reaching nearly 6% by 2003. Meanwhile, subscribing to
fixed
Use the right word
fixed-line
show examples
line
Use synonyms
 phones continued to grow at a much slower pace. By the end of the period, in 2004, mobile
phone
Use synonyms
 usage peaked at around 8%,
whereas
Linking Words
 fixed
line
Use synonyms
 users increased only marginally, ending approximately 3%.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words line, phone with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "growth" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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