IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In some countries there are more young people choosing to enrol in work-based training instead of attending university. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

Nowadays, there are many kinds of jobs that need special
skills
Use synonyms
 which haven't been taught in universities. Because of that situation, more and more young
generation
Check wording
people
show examples
 choose to take
courses
Use synonyms
 that
beneficial
Verb problem
are beneficial
show examples
 for skill-training to get those
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 rather than attending
university
Use synonyms
. I believe
this
Linking Words
 is a good decision because some
people
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 might need to work immediately, and higher education
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 not something that everyone can afford. Building careers without a degree is possible
especially
Punctuation problem
, especially
show examples
with
Change preposition
for
show examples
 those
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
which
Fix the agreement mistake
who
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 only need certain
skills
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.
For instance
Linking Words
, skill-based professions
such
Linking Words
 as makeup artists,
musician
Fix the agreement mistake
musicians
show examples
, actors, and any
arts related
Use the right word
arts-related
show examples
. Those jobs require more
talents
Fix the agreement mistake
talent
show examples
 than knowledge, so
people
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 who have them might only need special
courses
Use synonyms
 to sharpen their
ability
Fix the agreement mistake
abilities
show examples
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, clerical jobs that only need administrative
skills
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, which can be learned
Change preposition
in at
show examples
at
Use the right word
a
show examples
 relatively short
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
time, might be a good choice for one who
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
show examples
 to earn money immediately after school.
Furthermore
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, the work-based
courses
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 are relatively cheaper than
university
Use synonyms
.
Check wording
courses.
show examples
 These
courses
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 usually inquired rather short time, so the fee wouldn't be as high as
Use synonyms
university
Correct article usage
a university
show examples
.
For instance
Linking Words
 three-month training might cost only one-tenth of
Use synonyms
university
Correct article usage
a university
show examples
 fee. With the smaller fee, young
people
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 who have financial struggles
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 have another option to
gaining
Wrong verb form
gain
show examples
skills
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 by engaging
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
this
Linking Words
 training.
However
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, there are some drawbacks if someone wasn't attending
university
Use synonyms
.
First,
Linking Words
people
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 usually build their networking in
University
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.
This
Linking Words
 will
led
Wrong verb form
lead
show examples
 to many opportunities in the future. The process of learning
also
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 shapes the
students
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students'
show examples
 state of mind, which
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
 it broader and full of knowledge.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
 there are some disadvantages, I strongly believe that the benefits of work-based training are greater because it makes job opportunities faster and reduces financial burden.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it is a good choice for many young
people
Use synonyms
 today.

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task response
Make your view clear in the first line and keep it clear in all the paragraph. State if you think the idea is good or not.
task response
Show both sides. Say the good and the bad for work training and for university, then say why your choice is best.
grammar
Write with short, simple sentences. One idea per sentence. Check grammar that breaks ideas.
coherence
Link ideas with small word like 'and', 'but', 'also', 'for example' so the paper moves well.
examples
Give more true to life examples and numbers to back the point, not only ideas.
idea
The essay has a clear view that work based training can be good.
content
It uses real examples like cost and skill work.
form
There are clear paragraphs and use of some linking words.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • work-based training
  • enrol
  • university
  • advantages
  • disadvantages
  • practical skills
  • experience
  • workforce
  • employment
  • earnings
  • opportunities
  • further education
  • theoretical knowledge
  • career options
  • exploitation
  • balance
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