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Writing Samples
Band 8.5

The chart below shows the annual number of rentals and sales (in various formats) of films from a particular store between 2002 ann 2011. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar graph in the picture illustrates the yearly
sales
Use synonyms
 and rental movies from a specific shop from 2002 to 2011.
Overall
Linking Words
, the annual amount of rentals and
sales
Use synonyms
 is between 0 and 250,000. Displaying the rentals, VHS
sales
Use synonyms
, DVD
sales
Use synonyms
 and Blu-ray
sales
Use synonyms
 in four different bars. First of all, in 2002, DVD
sales
Use synonyms
 were the lowest at around 49,000. After that year, DVD
sales
Use synonyms
 skyrocketed to become the highest-selling format among others at their peak. In 2007 hit the leading
sales
Use synonyms
 among others with around 210,000.
Whereas
Linking Words
 rentals start at below 190,000 to drop steadily to below 60,000 in 2011.
Lastly
Linking Words
, in the years between 2002 and 2006, Blu-ray
sales
Use synonyms
 weren't happening , but from 2007 to 2011,
sales
Use synonyms
 improved slightly from below 10,000 to above 10,000. In 2002, VHS
sales
Use synonyms
 were right below 50,000. After that year,
sales
Use synonyms
 dropped steadily until 2006 no
sales
Use synonyms
 were being made.

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words sales with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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