IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The table below shows social and economic indicators for four countries in 1994, according to United Nations statistics. Describe the information shown below in your own words. What implications do the indicators have for the countries?

The table provides key information about some statistics conducted in 1994
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 by the UNS, which reveal
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the social and financial figures in various countries.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is clear from the graph that there are four determinations.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the Japanese have the highest share of income,
while
Linking Words
 the population in Zaire has the lowest profits, with $ 15760 and $ 130, respectively.
The
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Canada is the third country in
earning
Use the right word
earnings
show examples
 with $ 11100 yearly.
However
Linking Words
, Peru
is
Verb problem
apply
show examples
has
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
tiny resources compared to the
citizens
Check wording
apply
show examples
proportion.
Therefore
Linking Words
, a person
achieving
Wrong verb form
achieves
show examples
 $ 160 annually. Life expectancy has similar rates in both Canada and Japan
due to
Linking Words
 the high quality of life, it is reaching
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
78 years. When the bodies in Peru and Zaire have minimum rates. Consumption habits are different among those countries; the public in First distinct nations
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 a significant amount of awareness, which
consume
Correct subject-verb agreement
consumes
show examples
 about 3000 per day.
While
Linking Words
 in poor states, they consume less
due to
Linking Words
 the scarcity of food.
Finally
Linking Words
, the strengthening of
economic
Correct article usage
the economic
show examples
 system in Canada and Japan generally reflects
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the high education level with 99% in both
lands
Check wording
countries
show examples
. Even though
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 Zaire has the lowest share of it, so 34%.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "due to, while".
▼
Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
▼
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
▼
Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
▼
Basic structure: Change the seventh paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the seventh paragraph.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • indicators
  • population
  • GDP per capita
  • life expectancy
  • literacy rate
  • infant mortality rate
  • prosperous
  • less developed
  • level of education
  • healthcare
  • improvements
  • services
What to do next:
Look at other essays: