Some people think the qualities a person needs to become successful in today’s world cannot be learned at a university or similar academic institutions. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is agreed that , to become successful in 21 century , the qualities learned through education
is
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are
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not enough.
Im
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I'm
partly agree with
this
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, the best idea is to combine the benefits of both sides.
This
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essay will display
,
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apply
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how schooling is essential with taught subjects, and how crucial
is
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apply
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the
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apply
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life
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experiences
.
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are.
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University
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assist
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assists
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pupils to develop their cognitive
abilities
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,
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;
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moreover
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, it expands the range of skills
,
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apply
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which students
would
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will
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use in the future . School
help
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helps
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to develop initial
abilities
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like writing and reading. Universities
,
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apply
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continues
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continue
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to develop
the
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apply
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knowledge
but
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apply
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in
the special
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specific
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fields .
For example
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,
according to
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the conducted
researches
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research
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by Oxford
University
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, the information given by universities
,
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apply
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help
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helps
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to multiply the job opportunities for
graduated
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graduates
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people
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apply
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. Individuals are concerned about that ,
university
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knowledge is beneficial and
increase
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increases
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the range of
the
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apply
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information in special fields .
On the other hand
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,
the
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apply
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life
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experiences
has
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have
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impact
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an impact
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as
same
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significant
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as
university
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knowledge.
However
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, there is a difference between
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this
Fix the agreement mistake
these
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2 sides
,
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;
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the
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apply
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life
Use synonyms
experiences tend to be more complicated and unique , which helps people become much better at their weaker sides .
For instance
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, Elon Musk had weak
abilities
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in programming
,
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;
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because of
this
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, his
childgood
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childhood
friend tried to hack the system and take a lead in
company
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the company
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. Fortunately , Elon reacted quickly and fired his friend . That experience gave
a
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Musk a
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chance to Musk for improving
program related
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program-related
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abilities
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. In conclusion ,
the
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apply
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education helps to get basic and specialised information , the experience
got
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gained
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at
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in
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life
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assists with outlook . Mixed advantages can lead to better results in
life
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.

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task
Be clear on your view. State if you agree or not in the first paragraph.
development
Give one main idea in each paragraph and back it with simple facts or ideas.
coherence
Link ideas in a smoother way. Use easy links like also, but, however, for example.
language
Check for grammar and spelling. Fix big mistakes that blur sense.
structure
There is a plan with an intro, two body parts and a end.
content
The essay tries to show both sides of the issue.
content
It uses a few real examples to show ideas.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • world
  • people
  • work
  • life
  • school
  • learn
  • skill
  • knowledge
  • plan
  • goal
  • team
  • job
  • time
  • effort
  • practice
  • read
  • write
  • listen
  • speak
  • think
  • help
  • family
  • friend
  • challenge
  • success
  • decide
  • adapt
  • opportunity
  • career
  • change
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