IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Now a lot of people in college are doing academic study. should encourage them lo learn vocational skill (like plumbers electricians). Do you agree or disagree?

People
Use synonyms
 have various views about whether
students
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 should have academic
study
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 until
university
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 or learn vocational
skills
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instead
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. Considering both sides of the arguments above, I totally agree with the idea
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students
Correct word choice
that students
show examples
 should learn vocational
skills
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. One of the reasons why
students
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 should have academic
study
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 until
university
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 is that a lot of
jobs
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 these days require professional knowledge and specific
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skills
Punctuation problem
skills,
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 as
machine
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machines
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 can now replace simple repetitive
jobs
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, thanks to our advanced technology and
mechanization
Change the spelling
mechanisation
show examples
 of production processes. What our society genuinely desires now are talented
people
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 who are well educated into innovative and professional individuals, with social and interactive
skills
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 which allow them to communicate and collaborate with others in society smoothly.
Besides
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 that,
university
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 education not only teaches
students
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 academic knowledge, but
also
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 provides
students
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 with a platform to
socialize
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socialise
show examples
 and grasp the golden opportunities to unleash their potential. Apart from the reasons why
people
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 think that academic
study
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 is important to
students
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,
never should we
Correct word order
we should never
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 overlook the fact that vocational training is useful to
students
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.
Due to
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 diploma inflation, attending
university
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 is not tantamount to achieving great success in the
future
Punctuation problem
future,
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 as it does not guarantee that we can get desirable
jobs
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.
Nowadays
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Nowadays,
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 there are many
jobs
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 that require applicants to have relevant working experience,
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this
Correct pronoun usage
which
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causes
Verb problem
means
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 many
students
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 cannot find their
desirable
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desired
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jobs
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 after graduating from the
university
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. If
students
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 learn vocational
skills
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 and build up working experience, they will be more attractive to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
employers compared to others.
Moreover
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, not everyone is talented in studying
so
Punctuation problem
, so
show examples
 attending
university
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maybe
Use the right word
may be
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 a waste of time
to
Change preposition
for
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 some
people
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. The time can be better made use of
like
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, like
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 if someone
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 passionate and talented in
specific
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a specific
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 field, they may gain phenomenal success if they quit
university
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such
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 as Mark Zuckerberg, Bill Gates and Steve
Jobs
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 are all great examples. Under
this
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 line of thinking, I think
students
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 should learn vocational
skills
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 rather than
having
Verb problem
apply
show examples
academic
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study
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
show examples
.

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task
State your view clearly in the introduction and include a simple plan to show what you will argue.
coherence
Make each paragraph have one main idea and start with a clear topic sentence.
coherence
Link ideas with simple joining words like also, but, for example to help the flow.
content
Give more clear details or facts for vocational skills, not just general ideas.
grammar
Check grammar and use shorter sentences to avoid long, hard lines.
strength
Clear stance in favour of vocational skills.
strength
Checks both sides and shows you can argue.
strength
Use of real names to show luck in work.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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