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Writing Samples
Band 3

Some people say that no one should work after the age of 65years,others say that they should continue the work as long as they want.Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Introduction
The elderly and grandfathers
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
plays
Correct subject-verb agreement
play
show examples
 a critical role
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the past of the countries.
However
Linking Words
, did they
realy
Correct your spelling
really
 need our support after they get older?
Especeally
Correct your spelling
Especially
 when they
over
Verb problem
are over
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
65 years old.
Body paragraph 1
On one hand, some individuals
assuming
Wrong verb form
assume
show examples
 that we should prevent
elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
show examples
 from working
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
If
Fix capitalization
if
show examples
 they
get
Verb problem
are
show examples
 older than 65 years old.
However
Linking Words
, that might be coming from
emotional
Correct article usage
an emotional
show examples
 core choice. But,
is
Verb problem
does
show examples
 that really help them
.
Change the punctuation
?
show examples
 I read some studies that
shows
Correct subject-verb agreement
show
show examples
 the elderly
most
Use the right word
must
show examples
 be active and
envolved
Correct your spelling
involved
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society, to prevent some mental
diseas
Correct your spelling
diseases
such
Linking Words
 as
alzahaimer
Check wording
Alzheimer's
show examples
 and depression, which
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
result
Correct article usage
a result
show examples
 of
lonley
Correct your spelling
loneliness
 and lack of
activety
Correct your spelling
activity
. So,
integret
Correct your spelling
integrate
elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
show examples
on
Change preposition
into
show examples
 some of part
time
Use the right word
part-time
show examples
 jobs could help to
decress
Correct your spelling
decrease
Linking Words
this
Fix the agreement mistake
these
show examples
 issues in the future.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some
peopl's
Check wording
peopl
show examples
 argue that
elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
show examples
 have
there
Use the right word
their
show examples
 own
choic
Correct your spelling
choice
 to
chose
Wrong verb form
choose
show examples
,
wither
Use the right word
whether
show examples
want
Correct pronoun usage
they want
show examples
 to
continou
Correct your spelling
continue
 working or to retire, and that
understood
Verb problem
is understood
show examples
, because after
Correct article usage
a long
show examples
long
Punctuation problem
long,
show examples
 difficult life
;
Punctuation problem
,
show examples
 some individuals prefer to
retier
Correct your spelling
retire
 to rest and have
relaxing
Correct article usage
a relaxing
show examples
 time before
Correct pronoun usage
they died
show examples
died
Wrong verb form
die
show examples
. Even if that can worsen
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 health and relationship.
Conclusion
On
Change preposition
In
show examples
 my view of point, the elderly have
thier
Correct your spelling
their
own
chioce
Correct your spelling
choice
 if they want to relax, after a long time
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
struggling
from
Change preposition
in
show examples
 life, or
continuo
Use the right word
continue
show examples
 working.
However
Linking Words
, our
responsability
Correct your spelling
responsibility
 to educate
theme
Use the right word
them
show examples
 about the consequences of
retired
Replace the word
retirement
show examples
 and not
envolve
Correct your spelling
involve
 some
activites
Correct your spelling
activities
 in
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 life.

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planning
Plan your essay before you write. Say what you will talk about, then do it in order. Use four parts: intro, 2 body paragraphs, and a short conclusion.
content
In each body paragraph, have one main idea with a short reason or example.
coherence
Use simple link words to show flow. Words like first, also, but, so help the reader see the map of your ideas.
accuracy
Check grammar and spelling. Fix common errors and keep verb forms right.
task response
Make your view clear in the end. State what you think and why, with a small example if you can.
content
There is an effort to discuss both sides.
structure
The writer uses on one hand and on the other hand to show balance.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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