IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In some countries people spend long hours at work. Why does this happen? Is it positive or negative development

Nowadays
Punctuation problem
Nowadays,
show examples
 many
employees
Use synonyms
 spend so much
time
Use synonyms
 at
work
Use synonyms
 in many different regions. It
become
Verb problem
has become
show examples
 a usual thing for
people
Use synonyms
 to
work
Use synonyms
 long
hours
Use synonyms
,
due to
Linking Words
 plentiful of factors
, first
Punctuation problem
. First
show examples
 one is
work
Use synonyms
 pressure one of the main factors
,
Punctuation problem
. Sometimes
show examples
sometimes
Punctuation problem
sometimes,
show examples
 it is because of
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 lack of
worker
Fix the agreement mistake
workers
show examples
, where
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
some small companies
cant
Correct your spelling
can't
 afford
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
more
employees
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
 I really believe
its
Use the right word
it's
show examples
 a negative development, which will have a terrible effect
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 many
aspect
Fix the agreement mistake
aspects
show examples
.
People
Use synonyms
 sometimes finding themselves spending
hours
Use synonyms
 at
work
Use synonyms
, usually because of
work
Use synonyms
 pressure
people
Use synonyms
 wont have the
time
Use synonyms
 to do anything else,
for example
Linking Words
 restaurant, there is a period of
time
Use synonyms
 where the restaurant will be crowded with costumers,
then
Linking Words
employees
Use synonyms
 will have to stay at
work
Use synonyms
 for
hours
Use synonyms
 to serve the costumers, sometimes its because of the lack of worker is a reason for
people
Use synonyms
 to spend much
time
Use synonyms
 at
work
Use synonyms
,
for example
Linking Words
 the
people
Use synonyms
 who
work
Use synonyms
 at the stations they usually spend around 12
hours
Use synonyms
 a day in their jobs, whether it is a gas station attendant or grocery store worker. I found it a negative thing for many reason from more than one aspect, if we looked at it from the
employees
Use synonyms
 perspective it can affect negatively on their
health
Use synonyms
 and cause them
health
Use synonyms
 crisis,
for example
Linking Words
 the job burnout, which it include mental
health
Use synonyms
 problems like depression and anxiety,
also
Linking Words
 physical problems they wont have the
time
Use synonyms
 to get the good amount of sleep,
as a result
Linking Words
 of
this
Linking Words
 it will start to have an affect at their
work
Use synonyms
 and productivity. In conclusion, workers sometimes stay at
work
Use synonyms
 for long
hours
Use synonyms
 because of the
work
Use synonyms
 pressure, which will affect
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their
health
Use synonyms
 and job negatively.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

structure
Make a clear intro by saying what you will talk about.
structure
Use a plan sentence and a new paragraph for each idea.
cohesion
Use linking words to connect ideas well, like also, but, so.
content
Give one strong idea per paragraph and explain it with a simple example.
language
Check spelling and grammar to be easy to read.
content
The essay shows that long hours can be bad.
content
There are some real examples used.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • prevalent
  • economic pressures
  • financial stability
  • competitive job markets
  • corporate cultures
  • stigma
  • demonstrate dedication
  • advent of technology
  • blurred the lines
  • accelerated career progression
  • dedicated employee
  • significant negative implications
  • stress levels
  • mental health
  • physical health
  • social and family time
  • productivity
  • burnout
  • flexible working hours
  • work-life balance
What to do next:
Look at other essays: