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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Air traffic is increasingly leading to more noise, pollution and airport construction. One reason for this is the growth in low-cost passenger flights, often to holiday destinations. Some people say that governments should try to reduce air traffic by taxing it more heavily. Do you agree or disagree

Urbanisation and modern life have presented people with many challenges and decisions, none of which are too rudimentary to be ignored.
However
Linking Words
, the crux of the matter is related to environmental matters.
While
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 some argue the best way to reduce the rate of pollution, which is caused by
areoplanes
Correct your spelling
aeroplanes
, is nothing but simply to increase the cost of travelling, in my view,
although
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 protecting the ecosystem is a serious business, it does not necessarily mean the government is allowed to do it, even at the cost of making trouble for residents. On the one hand, our environment is what our life is all about. To clarify, a vast amount of fossil fuels is burned by
airplanes
Change the spelling
aeroplanes
show examples
 to reach their destinations, which results in air pollution.
This
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 not only endangers the lives of humans, but
also
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 the lives of many flora and fauna.
Hence
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, it is the responsibility of high-ranking officials to address
this
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 complex issue with sustainable alternatives rather than solely focusing on taxes.
On the other hand
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, money goes a long way in
this
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 modern era. Nowadays, many suffer from crippling poverty, especially in my country, Iran. If the government increases ticket prices to reduce the excessive use of air travel, residents are left with no choice but to buy them, which puts a lot of financial pressure on them.
Moreover
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,
this
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 is by far the fastest way of travelling for individuals around the world, so it is not fair to deprive them of
this
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 convenient facility just for the sake of decreasing the amount of carbon dioxide. In conclusion, the fact that our environment plays a crucial role in the well-being of society is obvious to all. In my view, it is not logical to sacrifice the welfare of city dwellers to preserve our natural environment. In fact, the authorities are in charge of addressing
such
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 an important problem by passing rules and measures,
such
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 as utilising solar power batteries
instead
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 of burning petroleum or oil.

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content
Your view is clear, but the argument needs stronger support. Add specific facts or examples about how taxes affect travel choice, emissions, or the impact on the poor.
structure
Improve organization. Start with a clear topic sentence in each paragraph. Use consistent linking words and avoid overlong sentences.
language
Fix grammar and spelling errors. Keep to simple language; avoid rare words. Replace 'areoplanes' with 'airplanes' and fix punctuation.
presentation
End with a concise conclusion that restates your stance and mentions one or two solutions that do not hurt ordinary people.
argument
Clear stance against heavy tax is easy to follow.
structure
Uses 'On the one hand' and 'On the other hand' to show view points, showing balance.
content
Links environment and social impact with a sense of responsibility.
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