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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that competition at work, at school, and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Nowadays, many
people
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 assume that
competition
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 in their daily life, whether at work or at school, is a good thing,
while
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some
Fix the agreement mistake
apply
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others argue that
cooperation
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 is more important.
This
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 essay will discuss both points of view
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 in the concluding
paragraph
Add a comma
paragraph,
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 I will include my personal stance regarding the issue.
Firstly
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,
competition
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, especially the healthy one, can help to motivate individuals to
do
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make
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 their best effort. Humans can be fueled by the presence of competitors since most
people
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 do not like to lose.
In addition
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 to that, the best
people
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 in the field are going to show up
and
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, and
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 if the systems are
merit
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meritorious
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 enough, those
people
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 will get the
acknowledgment
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acknowledgement
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 they deserve,
such
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 as
the
Correct article usage
apply
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promotion, good grades, and success.
Therefore
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,
competition
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 is still considered to be a positive habit that happens in
people
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’s lives.
On the other hand
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, many other
people
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 think that competing against each other will bring drawbacks.
Consequently
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,
people
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 need to promote
cooperation
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 more on a daily basis. No one is perfect, so with teamwork,
people
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 can cover each other’s weaknesses in order to achieve something.
Cooperation
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 will
also
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 shape a better environment because individuals depend on one another to achieve success.
Hence
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, some individuals see
cooperation
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 as a better approach than
competition
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.
However
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, both
competition
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 and
cooperation
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also
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 have their negative impacts.
For example
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, too much
competition
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 could lead to a toxic environment since everyone’s busy trying to achieve their personal goals,
as well as
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 excessive
cooperation
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 could potentially create free-riders. In conclusion, I agree that
competition
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 is beneficial for some
people
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 because it brings motivation for them to
do
Verb problem
make
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 their best efforts. At the same time, I
also
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 believe that
cooperation
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 has advantages as
people
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 need each other to achieve goals efficiently.

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task response
Explain both sides well and add a clear personal view in the end. Use one strong example for each side from daily life.
coherence and cohesion
Use a simple plan for each paragraph: intro, body on side A, body on side B, conclusion with your view. Use clear link words to show how ideas go together.
structure
The essay shows a plan and uses words like first, on the other hand, and however to show contrast.
content
It keeps a balance of ideas with both sides and a closing view.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • innovation
  • productivity
  • excel
  • outperform
  • advancements
  • academic standards
  • work ethic
  • stress
  • anxiety
  • unhealthy rivalries
  • harmonious
  • supportive
  • collaborative learning
  • social skills
  • communication skills
  • sense of community
  • collective goals
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