IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some peope say that advertising encourages people to buy things they do not need. Others say that advertisements are important sources of information about new products. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some individuals think that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
advertisements
foster
Verb problem
encourage
show examples
 people to purchase
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
products
Use synonyms
the
Use the right word
they
show examples
dont
Correct your spelling
don't
 demand for . Others ,
on the other hand
Linking Words
 , are concerned that promoting
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 essential to get information about new
products
Use synonyms
 . Two views will be discussed thoroughly in the following paragraphs before presenting my personal perspective in the conclusion. In the modernd
day-life
Use the right word
life
show examples
, some customers state that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
they are encouraged to buy inessential
products
Use synonyms
 after seeing commercials . The
centerpiece
Change the spelling
centrepiece
show examples
 is that adverts often make the customers feel unfilled .
While
Linking Words
 observing the luxury life and expensive clothes on celebrities may cause viewers , especially the young ones
to
Punctuation problem
, to
show examples
 spend a lot of money on unnecessary goods .
For example
Linking Words
 , a family member from
Correct article usage
the Uniten
show examples
Uniten
Correct your spelling
United
 Kingdom
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
spend
Wrong verb form
spent
show examples
 2000 dollars
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 a Jordans . Motivated by seeing them
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 his mobile phone ,
kid
Correct article usage
the kid
show examples
 purchased
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
sneakers with the credit card of family members .
Moreover
Linking Words
 , he tried to
kep
Correct your spelling
keep
this
Linking Words
 in secret , fortunately ,
father
Correct article usage
the father
show examples
 of the family got a call from
bank
Correct article usage
the bank
show examples
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 the payment was returned.
On the other hand
Linking Words
 , promotions are vital . The publicity , usually fond of
about
Rephrase
apply
show examples
special items
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
which they want .
In addition
Linking Words
 , announcements about the goods
provides
Correct subject-verb agreement
provide
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
new data to consumers .
without
Fix capitalization
Without
show examples
this
Linking Words
 strategy of marketing materials , some communities didn't even know about
existence
Correct article usage
the existence
show examples
 of some pivotal
products
Use synonyms
 .
For instance
Linking Words
 , the Torriden serum is an important cure to diseases like heart attack,
migren
Correct your spelling
migraine
, and cancer .
Furthermore
Linking Words
 , we tend to acquire commodities through commercials , either on TV or social media . In conclusion , as advertisements
gets
Correct subject-verb agreement
get
show examples
widely-known
Use the right word
widely known
show examples
 over the years , some people argue that it brainwashes and creates false
impression
Fix the agreement mistake
impressions
show examples
, whilst others say that it is a way to get information about articles . In my opinion , combining the advantages of both ideas can be beneficial in
Correct article usage
the long-term
show examples
long-term
Use the right word
long term
show examples

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

planning
Plan what you will say. Say both views and your view in a clear order.
grammar
Keep simple and short sentences. Break long lines into two or three smaller ones.
editing
Check words and spelling. Fix common errors like 'Uniten Kingdom' and 'migren'.
content
Give one clear example for each point. Show how ads can be good and bad with simple facts.
coherence
Link ideas with easy words like 'first', 'also', 'but', 'as a result'.
structure
The plan is there with an intro, body, and conclusion.
content
It tries to talk about both sides of the topic.
coherence
There are some linking words used in spots.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: