IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

peoples's lives are now surrounded by advertisements. These advertisements have negative impact on people's lives.To what extend you agree or disagree?

It is irrefutably true that in
this
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 contemporary era,
advertisements
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 are the foundation of
sveral
Correct your spelling
several
 businesses. Many
individuals
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recognize
Change the spelling
recognise
show examples
 that they have
negative
Correct article usage
a negative
show examples
 impact on the individual's lives,
while
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 others
not
Verb problem
do not
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 agree with
this
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. I staunchly agree with
this
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 notion, for which
,
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apply
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 vindication would be elaborated in the upcoming paragraphs.
To begin
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 with, in the modern era, inflation is at its peak, and most
of
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apply
show examples
the
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apply
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people fall in the middle class or lower middle class. After watching mindblowing
advertisements
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, masses who are not mature enough, especially juveniles, push their
parents
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 to purchase the things rendered in the
advertisements
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and
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, and
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 a myriad of them become unable to do
this
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. To exemplify, in 2023, the University of Stanford revealed that
,
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apply
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 almost 56% of
world's
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the world's
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 population is unable to purchase 67% items advertised in
advertisements
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.
As a result
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, sometimes, it deteriorates the relationship
among
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between
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parents
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 and
children
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 and
put
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has
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 an adverse effect on the minds of
children
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. To
further
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 reinforce, there are
advertisements
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 on televisions, newspapers, or on social media, which contain antisocial
content
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 which can not be able to be seen by
children
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. Most of the time, there is no option to skip them, so that they can be
avoided from
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kept out of
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 the reach of the
children
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. To elaborate, young
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individuals
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individuals,
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 when they become familiar with some insensitive
contents
Fix the agreement mistake
content
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,
they
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apply
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start questioning their
parents
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 about
the
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apply
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things
,
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apply
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 that are not
according
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to
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for
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 their age. To explicate,
broadcasting
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the broadcasting
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 head team of Toronto
,
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apply
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 revealed that hundreds of
parents
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 had disconnected the cartoon channel from their television connection
due to
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 the asocial
content
Use synonyms
 was being displayed on that channel through the
advertisements
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.
Therefore
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,
individuals
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 do not want their
children
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 to grab inferior
content
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 rather than useful information.
To conclude
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, costly items
as well as
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 insensitive
content
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 being advertised in most
of
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apply
show examples
social media channels and other platforms
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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 an adverse impact on
the
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apply
show examples
individuals
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, especially on the younger ones, not only weakening the relationship between
parents
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 and
children
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 but
also
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 having an adverse impact on
the
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 minds.

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structure
Use clear, simple words. State your view in the first line.
coherence
Keep ideas simple and linked. Each paragraph has one main idea.
grammar
Check grammar. Some sentences run on; fix the verb and noun forms.
content
Do not use facts that are not true or not shown by a source. If you use numbers, give a real source.
cohesion
Use linking words to join ideas: and, but, so, also, however.
structure
The plan is easy to see: intro, body, and conclusion.
content
The writer shows a view and some idea to back it.
content
There is an example of effects on the family.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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