IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Modern technology has increased surveillance in society. Do the benefits outweigh the drawbacks?

Undoubtedly, the contemporary advancements in
surveillance
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, owing to
the
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apply
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modern technology, have benefited the people tremendously. Cutting-edge monitoring devices ensure public
safety
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 and reduce the crime rate.
However
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, personal information and privacy are compromised
due to
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this
Linking Words
. Considering the benefits of digital
surveillance
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, I strongly believe that
their
Fix the agreement mistake
its
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 advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
To begin
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 with, proponents of technology-assisted
surveillance
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 argue that it helps in fostering social harmony by improving personal
safety
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 and lowering crime rates. Digital monitoring can safeguard
public
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the public
show examples
, especially the children and the elderly.
For instance
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, parents can monitor their children at
homes
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home
show examples
,
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apply
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 when they are left under the care of a third party
,
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 by a
surveillance
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 camera, and thereby ensure their
safety
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.
Furthermore
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, it can be used for early detection and tracking of crimes. A car theft or kidnapping can be easily traced by following the digital footprints of the vehicle involved from the
surveillance
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 cameras installed at the traffic signals.
Therefore
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, it can be justified that digital
surveillance
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 is beneficial for society.
On the other hand
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, critics contend that cybersurveillance is a breach of privacy and personal details. Many
a
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times, personal attributes,
such
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 as photographs and individual preferences, may be accessed without one’s consent in the name of cybersecurity.
For example
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, the advertisement pop-ups, when visiting a website, often hold the data related to a recent web browsing.
Hence
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, monitoring can have negative consequences in
public
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the public
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 domain. In conclusion,
although
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 privacy and personal details may be at stake, ensuring public
safety
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 is paramount.
Thus
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, I believe that the merits of digital
surveillance
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 outweigh
their
Fix the agreement mistake
its
show examples
 demerits.
Nevertheless
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, governments should enforce strict regulations on cybersecurity and
surveillance
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 to protect personal integrity.

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task response
You keep the view that tech helps safety and you use a few good examples. Try to add more facts to back each claim and connect ideas with clear links.
coherence
Make ideas flow by using simple linking words in each paragraph. Keep one main idea per paragraph and finish with a short, strong end.
structure
Clear view that surveillance can bring safety.
content
Some good examples are given, like watching kids and car theft.
Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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