IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The bar charts below show the main reasons for study among students of different age groups and the amount of support they received from employers.

The charts depict the number of
people
Use synonyms
 who took higher education studies as an interest or for their
career
Use synonyms
 , and the
employers
Use synonyms
' support for them based on their age.
Overall
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
it is clear that
Linking Words
 interest and
career
Use synonyms
 view swap their places as
people
Use synonyms
 grow, the
employers
Use synonyms
' help and funds do not change as much.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, obviously,
people
Use synonyms
 who are under 26 (around 80% of them) tend to learn more, so they could have better
career
Use synonyms
 opportunities. Meanwhile,
people
Use synonyms
 who continue their education journey over the age of 49 are not as motivated about their
career
Use synonyms
 as the other group is, roughly 20% of them. In the group of
people
Use synonyms
 between 40 to 49 , the same proportion of both motives is observed.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
employers
Use synonyms
 do not base their funding on
people
Use synonyms
's motivations.
While
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
 between 30 to 39 have the lowest (roughly 33.5%) proportion of support, students under 26 are in favour of a dramatically better condition , which is about 63.5% of help and support from the
employers
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words people, career, employers with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "roughly" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • age groups
  • career advancement
  • personal development
  • employer support
  • external aid
  • correlation
  • intrinsic motivation
  • career enhancement
  • societal impacts
  • workforce development
  • lifelong learning
  • primary reasons
  • motivation for study
  • part-time studies
  • career-oriented
  • personal interest
  • educational pursuit
  • study motivation
What to do next:
Look at other essays: