IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people say that the main environmental problem of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Others say that there are more important environmental problems. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Many people believe that
loss
Correct article usage
the loss
show examples
 of particular plant and animal
species
Use synonyms
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 major ecological
Use synonyms
issues
Fix the agreement mistake
issue
show examples
 in today’s
world
Use synonyms
. Others believe that there are more serious environmental
issues
Use synonyms
 that need our attention.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both views, the impact on
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
show examples
losing of
Correct word order
of losing
show examples
 certain
species
Use synonyms
 of flora and fauna, and the main environmental
issues
Use synonyms
 prevailing in the
world
Use synonyms
. On one hand, some people believe the ecological imbalance is the
result
Use synonyms
 of a decrease in
number
Correct article usage
the number
show examples
 of certain
species
Use synonyms
. Every specie play a significant role in maintaining
biodiversity
Correct article usage
the biodiversity
show examples
 of the
climate
Use synonyms
.
Extinction
Correct article usage
The extinction
show examples
 of an animal can have a domino effect, disrupting entire food webs and ecosystems.
For instance
Linking Words
,
tiger
Fix the agreement mistake
tigers
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 the main carnivorous animal in
Correct article usage
the Sundanban
show examples
Sundanban
Correct your spelling
Sundarbans
 forest of Bangladesh
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 their main source of food is deer. Deforestation and illegal hunting resulted
a
Change preposition
in a
show examples
decline in
number
Correct article usage
the number
show examples
 of tigers
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 may
result
Use synonyms
 the
increase
Check wording
number
show examples
 of deer.
Consequently
Linking Words
, the growth in deer populations can
result
Use synonyms
 in a reduced area of grassland. So,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
others
Fix the agreement mistake
other
show examples
 herbivorous
animal
Fix the agreement mistake
animals
show examples
 may be affected who are dependent on plants and trees.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, others believe that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 there are other
issues
Use synonyms
 that need more
our
Change preposition
of our
show examples
 attention and cooperation, like
climate
Use synonyms
change
Use synonyms
 and global warming.
Human
Fix the agreement mistake
Humans
show examples
 are the main
contributor
Fix the agreement mistake
contributors
show examples
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
climate
Use synonyms
change
Use synonyms
 around the
world
Use synonyms
. Overuse of fossil fuels to meet the demand of
increased
Correct article usage
an increased
show examples
 population
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
making
Wrong verb form
has made
show examples
 our environment more polluted,
which resulted
Wrong verb form
resulting
show examples
 in
climate
Use synonyms
change
Use synonyms
 and global warming. Because of these, frequent flooding,
cyclone
Fix the agreement mistake
cyclones
show examples
,
Correct word choice
and drought
show examples
drought
Fix the agreement mistake
droughts
show examples
 are seen around the planet.
Also
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
world
Correct article usage
the world
show examples
experiencing
Verb problem
is experiencing
show examples
 sea level rise
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
every year, which significantly
affecting
Wrong verb form
affects
show examples
 the countries,
for example
Linking Words
,
Maldives
Correct article usage
the Maldives
show examples
,
who
Fix the agreement mistake
which
show examples
 is
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 average 5 feet above the sea level
, continuous
Punctuation problem
. Continuous
show examples
 increasing in sea level may
result
Use synonyms
 in diminishing the land
are
Use the right word
area
show examples
, which
disrupting
Wrong verb form
disrupts
show examples
 the ecosystems.
Additionally
Linking Words
, pollution in the air will lead to respiratory diseases, like asthma and cardiovascular diseases
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 may lead to
Correct article usage
a shorten
show examples
shorten
Wrong verb form
shortened
show examples
 life span. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 the extinction of certain
species
Use synonyms
 could disrupt the biodiversity of a forest,
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
climate
Use synonyms
change
Use synonyms
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 a detrimental effect on the globe, which could
threat
Replace the word
threaten
show examples
 our existence
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the planet. In my opinion,
climate
Use synonyms
change
Use synonyms
 is the more serious issue that
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
show examples
 more attention as it could
wipeout
Use the right word
wipe out
show examples
 our existence
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the globe. Developed countries have to play
significant
Correct article usage
a significant
show examples
 role in reducing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
carbon
emission
Fix the agreement mistake
emissions
show examples
 as they
are polluted
Wrong verb form
pollute
show examples
 the environment the most,
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
resulting in
climate
Use synonyms
change
Use synonyms
.

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structure
Plan your writing in a simple order: 1) state topic and view in the first sentence, 2) give two strong reasons with one or two small facts or examples, 3) give the opposite view briefly, 4) end with a clear conclusion that supports your view.
grammar
Fix grammar and spelling. Watch for 'species' (plural) and form 'tiger' and 'deer' correctly. Use simple, correct sentences.
coherence
Link ideas with clear joining words like 'but', 'also', 'however', 'for example', 'in addition'. This helps flow from one idea to the next.
examples
Use one or two better examples. Explain why they matter to your point, not just state them.
structure
The writer shows a view on the topic and tries to compare two sides.
evidence
The essay gives some real places and facts, showing effort to back points.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • biodiversity
  • extinction
  • habitat loss
  • ecosystem
  • food chain
  • imbalance
  • interconnected
  • climate change
  • pollution
  • personal actions
  • policy changes
  • education
  • awareness
What to do next:
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