IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think spending a lot on birthday celebrations and weddings is a waste of money. Others think that it is important to the young people and society. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Many argue that spending a lot on birthday
celebrations
Use synonyms
 and weddings is a waste of
money
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 others believe that it is significant to the young
people
Use synonyms
 and society.
This
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 essay will discuss both perspectives, but I believe that each
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 drawbacks which rely on
people
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
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, every
Use synonyms
people
Fix the agreement mistake
person
show examples
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 special days in their life which make them feel special. That`s why,
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
these days
people
Use synonyms
trying
Verb problem
are trying
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 to make it unforgettable and memorable.
Somebodies
Check wording
Somebody
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achieve
Correct subject-verb agreement
achieves
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this
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 goal just
spending
Change preposition
by spending
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 their time with their lovely
people
Use synonyms
 and places. But
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 others make special
celebrations
Use synonyms
 and spend a lot of
money
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
on
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 special places and
entertainments
Fix the agreement mistake
entertainment
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.
For instance
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, nowadays it is popular
in
Change preposition
among
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 young individuals to celebrate their birthdays with their friends
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such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as
party
Correct article usage
a party
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. It allows them
for
Change preposition
to
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 create close relationships with their friends and enhance their networks.
On the other hand
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, these special
events
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requiring big
Wrong verb form
require a large
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 amount of
money
Use synonyms
 and organisations that can cause waste of
money
Use synonyms
.
For example
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, nowadays many
people
Use synonyms
make
Verb problem
hold
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 their weddings in big palaces and phenomenal
events
Use synonyms
. They believe that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 they should make
these
Correct determiner usage
apply
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wedding
Fix the agreement mistake
weddings
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such
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 as king
events
Use synonyms
whether
Punctuation problem
, whether
show examples
 big amount of
money
Use synonyms
. Because it just one time
happen
Correct subject-verb agreement
happens
show examples
in
Rephrase
once in
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 their life,
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Fix capitalization
furthermore
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Furthermore
Punctuation problem
Furthermore,
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 they don`t care
for
Change preposition
about
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 taking
credits
Fix the agreement mistake
credit
show examples
 and creating new debts
,
Punctuation problem
.
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As a result
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, after these
Use synonyms
events
Punctuation problem
events,
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 they can`t really enjoy their
marrying
Use the right word
marriage
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, because
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
they
should
Verb problem
have to
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 pay their credits
Finally
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,
this
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 essay demonstrates
drawbacks
Correct article usage
the drawbacks
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 and advantages of
celebrations
Use synonyms
 and
wedding
Fix the agreement mistake
weddings
show examples
. In short, I firmly believe spending a lot on birthday
celebrations
Use synonyms
 or
wedding
Fix the agreement mistake
weddings
show examples
 is a waste of
money
Use synonyms
 that can
make
Verb problem
have
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 unnecessary consequences.

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task response
Plan your essay. state your view in the intro and restate it in the end.
cohesion
Use clear links like first, also, but, however, finally to join ideas.
content
Give two or three clear reasons for your view with simple examples.
grammar
Check grammar and spelling. Keep words simple and correct.
content
The writer tries to discuss both sides.
stance
There is a clear final view.
example
Some real examples are used (birthdays, weddings).
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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