IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Each year, the crime rate increases. What are the causes of crime and what could b e done to prevent this rise in criminal activity?

Nowadays, criminal activities are increasing
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 there are some main factors which contribute to these actions. Main reasons can be poverty and growing up in dysfunctional
families
Use synonyms
. To address these
problems
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, might
be increasing
Wrong verb form
increase
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 employment opportunities and
providing
Wrong verb form
provide
show examples
 support to
families
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, criminal activities show an upward trend all over the world and are it major concern for society. Governments and different organisations are trying to solve
this
Linking Words
 problem. But tackling these
problems
Use synonyms
 starts with identifying the main causes and finding a common solution to prevent them. One of the main reason are poverty and lack of employment opportunities. Social and economic inequalities and lack of
job
Use synonyms
 variations. All these factors lead to committing different types of crimes. People who have experienced financial hardship may be more likely to engage in crime.
For instance
Linking Words
, recent research showed that people in low social and economic growth
more
Fix the agreement mistake
apply
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tend to commit more crimes than
more
Change preposition
in more
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 developed countries. To tackle these
problems
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,
providing
Wrong verb form
we need to provide
show examples
 access to
job
Use synonyms
 opportunities and
promoting
Wrong verb form
promote
show examples
 economic growth.
For example
Linking Words
, releasing new
job
Use synonyms
 vacancies in Uzbekistan significantly reduces criminal activity in
this
Linking Words
 country.
Secondly
Linking Words
, growing
in
Change preposition
up in
show examples
 dysfunctional
families
Use synonyms
 can
also
Linking Words
 contribute to these actions in future. Children
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
raised with constant abuse, neglect and violence tend to get involved in criminal activities. To address these
problems
Use synonyms
 government and organisations have to provide support and resources for
families
Use synonyms
, including parental classes and counselling.
For example
Linking Words
, one of the cities of Germany started to work with dysfunctional
families
Use synonyms
 and attract them to free courses
and
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
and help them to reduce negative behaviours.
Overall
Linking Words
, financial hardships and
minimum
Correct word choice
minimal
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 chances of getting a
job
Use synonyms
, children with problematic backgrounds are more likely to commit crimes. To tackle these
problems
Use synonyms
, governments should boost their economy and
release
Verb problem
create
show examples
 new jobs , and
also
Linking Words
 strengthen family bonds.

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structure
Make a clear plan before you write. Start with a short line that says what you will talk about. Then give two or three main causes and two or three ways to stop them. End with a short finish.
grammar
Fix grammar and word form. Check plural and verb use, for example 'one of the main reasons is'. Use full sentences.
coherence
Link ideas with simple words like 'also', 'in addition', 'for example', 'so' to make the flow good.
examples
Use examples that fit well and are easy to see. Do not pull in places you are not sure about. Say 'in many places' or 'in my country' if you want a local example.
content
The essay shows a clear wish to discuss causes and ways to stop crime.
structure
The writer tries to use ordered points with 'Firstly' and 'Secondly'.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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