IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In some countries, crime rates are increasing. What are the causes of this problem? What can be done about it?

It is true that in many nations,
crime
Correct article usage
the crime
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 rate is on the rise. There are multiple causes for
this
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 issue
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 I will be discussing in the essay
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along
Punctuation problem
, along
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 with some practical solutions to reduce the criminal activities. There are several reasons contributing to
higher
Correct article usage
the higher
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 crime rate.
First,
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poverty
Use synonyms
 and unemployment are the most common factors in most
part
Fix the agreement mistake
parts
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 of the world. Lack of job opportunities pushes the individuals towards
poverty
Use synonyms
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 they are compelled to commit crimes for their basic necessities,
such
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 as food, clothing and shelter.
For
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example
Add a comma
example,
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 South Africa has
highest
Correct article usage
the highest
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 crime reported in 2022
due to
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poverty
Use synonyms
, which makes it a challenging environment for both citizens and foreigners.
Second,
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underutilised resources, as
the most of
Correct word order
most of the
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 resources in many countries are not used to their full potential.
As a result
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, government schemes remain underused
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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this
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 poor implementation makes it difficult for
authories
Correct your spelling
authorities
 to control crimes effectively
Nevertheless
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, there are
number
Correct article usage
a number
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 of solutions to help make the number of
criminal
Fix the agreement mistake
criminals
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drops
Correct subject-verb agreement
drop
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. Primarily,
Correct article usage
the government
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government
Fix the agreement mistake
governments
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 of these countries should focus on education and
job
Correct article usage
the job
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 sector. Authorities should build the proper infrastructure for their citizens.
This
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 will help the public at large to get better knowledge and job opportunities.
Secondly
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, stricter laws and more severe sentences can act as a deterrent for
the
Correct article usage
apply
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people committing crimes. When
law breakers
Use the right word
lawbreakers
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were
Wrong verb form
are
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 aware of the fact that it can cost them much
more
Punctuation problem
more,
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 they will think twice before doing it.
For
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example
Add a comma
example,
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 Singapore has introduced
anti-corruption
Correct article usage
an anti-corruption
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 law in 1978
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 resulted in decreasing the corruption by almost 80% by 1990 and making Singapore one of the top
anti-corrupt
Replace the word
anti-corruption
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country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
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.
To conclude
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, there are various causes associated with criminal activities like
poverty
Use synonyms
 & unemployment and underutilised resources
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Although
Punctuation problem
. Although
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 I believe no one is born
criminal
Correct article usage
a criminal
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,
so
Change preposition
apply
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these causes can be reversed by addressing these issues and by enforcing stricter rules and regulations.

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task response
Plan your answer first. State the two parts you will talk about and then follow that plan.
coherence
Make one idea in each paragraph. Start with a short line that tells the point.
coherence
Link ideas well with small words like 'first', 'also', 'but', 'therefore'.
grammar
Check facts and spell only small wrongs. Use clear, short sentences.
lexis
Use simple words and keep to the topic. Do not use long or hard words.
examples
Give clear examples that fit the point and explain how they show the view.
content
It covers both causes and fixes.
organization
It has intro, body and ending.
examples
It gives real examples (South Africa, Singapore).
coherence
It links ideas in many parts.
Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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