IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Many manufacturd food and drinks contain high levels of sugar,which causes many health problems.Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

It is often stated that many processed foods and drinks have a lot of sugar. Consuming these
products
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 can
cause
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 physical health issues. Increasing the
price
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 of these goods encourages individuals to purchase less frequently. I disagree with
this
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 view because
this
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 solution is temporary, and it can
cause
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inflation
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,
although
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 as a short-term solution should be taken into account. There is some truth in the argument that increasing
prices
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 prevents people from buying sugary goods. Most individuals purchase these commodities because they are cheap and delicious. They simply ignore their well-being for a moment of joy. If the
government
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 increases the
price
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 of these
products
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, people will buy them less frequently.
For example
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, in Mexico,
this
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 method worked. The
government
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 put a high tax on sugar. The consumption of sugar and sugary
products
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 dropped by 50%.
However
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, I believe that increasing
prices
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 is a temporary solution. If the
government
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 increases the
price
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 of sugary
products
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, the
price
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 of other
products
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 will probably increase. So, it can
cause
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inflation
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, and it violates the rule of the free market.
In addition
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, these kinds of solutions are temporary because after a
while
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 ,
inflation
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 makes the
government
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 increase salaries.
Consequently
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, people will be able to buy these goods at a new
price
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.
On the other hand
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, increasing
prices
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 can damage public trust in the long term. They will worry about new
prices
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 every day. Ultimately, it can
cause
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 large protests.
To sum up
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,
while
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 it is partly true that increasing
prices
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 are effective for a
while
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, I would argue that it can
cause
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inflation
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 and damage public trust.

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task response
State your view clearly in the first sentence and keep it steady throughout. Do not shift to many ideas.
coherence
Use simple, clear links between ideas. Group ideas in short paragraphs with a topic sentence.
task response
Give more direct examples or data, and explain how they support your point.
grammar
Check grammar and sentence length to be easier to read; avoid long, run-on sentences.
task response
Clear position and basic structure in support of your view.
coherence
Use of example from real country (Mexico).
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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