IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In some countries, young people are living in richer and healthier condition but less happy. What are the reasons? What might be done to solve this issue?

In some countries, a richer and healthier group of the younger generation are going through a less joyful and happier life.
This
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 essay will explore the reasons for
this
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 phenomenon and suggest possible solutions. To begin with,
this
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 issue is not something critical , and it can be solved in so many simple ways,
while
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 a lot of
people
Use synonyms
 are suffering from
such
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 an issue.
This
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 essay will provide a few reasons, followed by the solutions to them in the upcoming paragraph. The first reason why
people
Use synonyms
 from high-level families suffer from an unhappy life is the lack of good-quality friendships. Teenagers from rich families often face a group of
people
Use synonyms
 called "fake friends" in their lifetime, which are building strong friendship relationships only
while
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 they or their household are wealthy enough to carry that status. Another compelling reason for
this
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 problem is the lack of time spent with family. Most of the time , children from the wealthy class are being looked after by the workers in the house,
such
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 as chiefs, babysitters and etc. Which will , in most situations, never replace the love and attention of their own parents.
However
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, the issues mentioned previously could sound like a big obstacle in building a happy life for teenagers from rich families
,
Punctuation problem
;
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 they have very simple and certified solutions. Beginning with the friend groups of
people
Use synonyms
 using only
wealth
Correct article usage
the wealth
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 of the individual's family, we can have a very easy solution, which is testing them by putting them in situations which will make them prove their friendship , and if they do,
ateenager
Correct your spelling
a teenager
 from
high-class
Correct article usage
a high-class
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 family will feel proud and happy for their friendship. Another issue with the lack of family attention can be dealt with quick family gathering every weekend, where parents will be warned to put away everything and enjoy their meal with loved ones.

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structure
Plan your essay with two parts: a clear idea about why money and health may rob joy, then a plan to fix it. Use topic sentences in each paragraph.
coherence
Give clear links from idea to idea. Use words like also, but, so, and then to show how one thing leads to the next.
examples
Add small facts or simple facts as examples to back up your idea, like how a wealth family can have less time with family.
grammar
Use fewer long sentences. Put big ideas in short lines so it is easy to read.
language
Check spelling and use of set phrases. Some phrases are odd and make sense hard.
content
The essay has a plan and some clear ideas.
content
It shows that money and health can be linked to happiness in a tricky way.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Materialism
  • Consumerism
  • Social isolation
  • Technological advancement
  • Face-to-face interactions
  • Mindfulness
  • Stress management
  • Resilience
  • Mental health
  • Well-being
  • Competitive world
  • Expectations
  • Pressure
  • Balanced lifestyle
  • Leisure activities
What to do next:
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