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Writing Samples
Band 4

IELTS (Problem/Solution) In recent years, many people have developed health problems due to leading highly sedentary lifestyles. What problems can arise from a lack of physical activity? What steps can be taken to encourage people to become more active?

The number of people
,
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 who have suffered from an inactive
lifestyle
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 in the past few decades
,
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 has increased. I believe exploring the causes of
this
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 problem can assist in finding suitable solutions to resolve it. Lack of physical activity can lead to several health
problems
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. One major issue could be obesity, which is directly associated with an inactive
lifestyle
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 and sedentary behaviour.
This
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also
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 accounts for heart diseases, high blood pressure and lack of confidence. To tackle the issue, governments and authorities can implement schemes
such
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 as cycle to work and public gyms, which are accessible and affordable for everyone, to encourage individuals to have some exercise and burn out some calories. Another perceived problem could be mental issues.
This
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 group of people usually experience stress, anxiety and low mood. These functional
problems
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 can explain why they are feeling alone and isolated from
society
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.
However
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, these mental issues can be resolved by raising public awareness regarding the undeniable
problems
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 developed
due to
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 a sedentary
lifestyle
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. Educational authorities play a vital role,
as well as
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 parents and
society
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. They should be encouraged and educated about the benefits of an active
lifestyle
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 and how it can positively impact their lives.
To conclude
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, even though having an inactive and sedentary
lifestyle
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 contributes to obesity and mental
problems
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, governments and
society
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 can remedy the situation. In my opinion, running innovative and effective plans and educating
the
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society
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 in terms of the beneficial effects of an active life are steps in the right direction.

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structure
Use a clear plan in the intro: say what you will talk about for problems and for steps.
structure
In each para, start with a clear main idea (topic sentence) and keep the rest as support.
content
Give more detail for each step. Add simple numbers or actions (for example: go for a 30 min walk, use stairs).
coherence
Use more linking words to show the connection between ideas (first, also, but, finally).
task response
The essay covers both problems and ways to act.
coherence
There is a basic link between problems and actions.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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