IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

In the modern world, it is no longer necessary to use animals for food or use animal products, for instance, clothing and medicines. To what extent do you agree or diagree?

Using
animal based
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animal-based
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products
Use synonyms
 or consuming their
products
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 has always been a debatable topic. I strongly agree
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 that exploiting animals for various reasons
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such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as making luxurious fashion or even for
consumption
Punctuation problem
consumption,
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 is not a
neccessity
Correct your spelling
necessity
 anymore.
Firstly
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, one of the primary reasons to discontinue producing or eating
animal based
Use the right word
animal-based
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products
Use synonyms
 is the availability of alternative sources.
This
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 is because the recent scientific advancements
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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 discovered options for every need.
For instance
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, protein acquired from animal meat can be consumed through mock meat or other
plant based
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plant-based
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 vegan
variety
Fix the agreement mistake
varieties
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.
As a result
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,
people
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 are not completely dependent on various edibles or
material
Fix the agreement mistake
materials
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 derived from animals.
Secondly
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, using
such
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products
Use synonyms
 is not a necessity but a luxury. The leather
products
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 made out of animal skin are expensive,which cannot be afforded by every individual. To give an example, the leather bags from
Correct article usage
a reowned
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reowned
Correct your spelling
renowned
 fashion brand are sold in millions.
Therefore
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,
such
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 expensive
products
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 are bought by
people
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 belonging to a higher class in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society , and not
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people
Change preposition
by people
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 belonging to the normal working class. As
result
Correct article usage
a result
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, owning
such
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Correct article usage
a high
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high end animal based
Use the right word
high-end animal-based
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 commodity is not necessary. In conclusion, I firmly believe that
people
Use synonyms
 should avoid using animals for fulfilling their needs
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as food, clothing
etc
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, etc
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because
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, because
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 of the existence of alternative resources in abundance, and their association with luxury.

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grammar and structure
The essay shows a clear view and some good ideas, but it has spelling errors and weak links in places. Work on grammar and spelling, and use clear links between ideas.
planning
Give a short, strong introduction that states your view and a short, clear conclusion that restates it. Each paragraph should have one main idea with support.
content
Use more precise examples and avoid doubtful claims (like 'millions' for bag prices).
lexical resource
Check word choice and keep to simple words; avoid long, complex sentences.
stance and structure
There is a clear stance and a logical two-point body.
examples
Some good use of examples like mock meat.
Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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