IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In many contries, people have health problems because they choose to live in unhealthy ways. What do you think the reasons for this? How can it be solved?

In these
Change preposition
These
show examples
 days, in some
countries
Add a comma
countries,
show examples
 individuals have
choosen
Correct your spelling
chosen
Correct article usage
an unappropriate
show examples
unappropriate
Use the right word
inappropriate
show examples
 way of living, which gives
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
birth to
multple
Correct your spelling
multiple
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
complications. I think there are numerous
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
causes behind
this
Linking Words
 trend
like
Punctuation problem
, like
show examples
 hectic schedule and unhealthy diet
,
Punctuation problem
. This
show examples
this
Linking Words
 issue can be sorted out by the government
as well as
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
's constraints towards the balance between everything. One of the reasons is
Use synonyms
people's
Correct word choice
that people
show examples
 have too much pressure
of
Change preposition
from
show examples
 work, family and future. They are living in stress and depression ,decreasing cognitive abilities and
increase
Wrong verb form
increasing
show examples
feeling
Fix the agreement mistake
feelings
show examples
 of sickness every time.
This
Linking Words
 is leading to
eat
Wrong verb form
eating
show examples
unheathy
Correct your spelling
unhealthy
food
Use synonyms
 because of the tight deadlines given by their work organisations.
For instance
Linking Words
, it has been reported that in China junk
food
Use synonyms
 businesses
sale is
Verb problem
have
show examples
 rapidly climbed in
past
Correct article usage
the past
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 10 years. Another reason associated with unhealthy lifestyle is parents do not emphasize on the upbringing of their children,
instead
Linking Words
 of providing them enough suppot they just leave them alone.
Due to
Linking Words
 the
lackness
Correct your spelling
lack
 of awareness and the education
kids
Punctuation problem
, kids
show examples
 pick up wrong paths to live their
life
Punctuation problem
life,
show examples
 be it
wake
Wrong verb form
waking
show examples
 up late, missing
schools
Fix the agreement mistake
school
show examples
. One solution is that
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 should be investing money
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
buliding
Correct your spelling
building
 sports centres,
gymnasium
Fix the agreement mistake
gymnasiums
show examples
 and swimming pools, where
people
Use synonyms
 can spend time to keep
body
Check wording
their bodies
show examples
 fit.
Besides
Linking Words
 that, the government should make healthy
food
Use synonyms
 more affordable
as compare
Change preposition
compared
show examples
 to junk
food
Use synonyms
, if
Punctuation problem
. If
show examples
 the price of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
unhealty
Correct your spelling
unhealthy
food
Use synonyms
 like Bulduk noodles is
high
Punctuation problem
high,
show examples
then
Linking Words
 children would not purchase it. Alongside,
people
Use synonyms
 can organise the community program in their society after
couple
Correct article usage
a couple
show examples
 of months to get more
socialize
Verb problem
socialised
show examples
, which will remove the
home sickness
Use the right word
homesickness
show examples
 and depression. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 work is essential for everyone to survive but
people
Use synonyms
 should not ignore the importance of family and health.
Correct article usage
The Simpliest
show examples
Simpliest
Correct your spelling
simplest
 way to mitigate these issues is
the
Change preposition
for the
show examples
governement
Correct your spelling
government
shoud be
Verb problem
to
show examples
focused
Wrong verb form
focus
show examples
 on
pricing
Correct article usage
the pricing
show examples
 of
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
show examples
 diet and investment
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the health system infrastructure.

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grammar
Use clear and simple sentences. Check the spelling and fix errors like choosen, unhealty, suppot, balence.
structure
Make a clean plan: intro, two body paragraphs (causes, then solutions), and a short conclusion.
content
Give one or two clear examples for each idea. Do not mix ideas in one long sentence.
coherence
Use linking words to show order: first, next, then, also, but. Keep sentences short.
content
The essay tries to cover both causes and a plan to fix.
coherence
There is a basic attempt to show how stress may lead to bad diet.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • health
  • healthy
  • illness
  • reason
  • problem
  • people
  • life
  • time
  • money
  • work
  • home
  • city
  • country
  • shop
  • eat
  • food
  • drink
  • water
  • sugar
  • fat
  • salt
  • junk
  • fast
  • habit
  • plan
  • choice
  • learn
  • teach
  • school
  • family
  • friend
  • ad
  • ads
  • price
  • cost
  • cheap
  • expensive
  • park
  • walk
  • move
  • exercise
  • gym
  • doctor
  • care
  • help
  • support
  • campaign
  • rule
  • limit
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