IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowadays people believe that governments should invest tax payers money in healthcare, others believe that money should be use in other areas. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

There is an ongoing debate about
the
Rephrase
where the
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 authority should
spent
Wrong verb form
spend
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
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tax money on
healthcare
Use synonyms
, others believe there are some areas
should
Correct pronoun usage
that should
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 be improved by a tax.
While
Linking Words
healthcare
Use synonyms
 is
important
Correct article usage
an important
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 aspect for retaining a community, I believe improving
others form
Fix the agreement mistake
other forms
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 of investment are beneficial. First of all,
healthcare
Use synonyms
 is an important aspect for society, because without proper and sufficient
healthcare
Use synonyms
 regulation,
government
Correct article usage
the government
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 will neglect their people.
tremendous
Correct article usage
A tremendous
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 investment
on
Change preposition
in
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healthcare
Use synonyms
 will create a healthy economy and human capital, because
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
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 of people are in their best shape, and create numerous economic
movement
Fix the agreement mistake
movements
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 in a country.
For example
Linking Words
, Japan
develop
Wrong verb form
has developed
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 one of the best
healthcare
Use synonyms
regulation
Fix the agreement mistake
regulations
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 worldwide,
the
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 regulation
create
Wrong verb form
created
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 a positive impact
for
Change preposition
on
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 local employment.
As a result
Linking Words
, their Gross Domestic
Product's
Check wording
Product
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 rate surged drastically.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there are some areas
should
Correct pronoun usage
that should
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 be explored by
a
Correct article usage
the
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 government to invest.
For instance
Linking Words
, infrastructure and
education
Use synonyms
 will
create
Verb problem
play
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 a significant role
for
Change preposition
in
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 human capital development. Better
infrastuctures
Correct your spelling
infrastructure
 will enhance people and goods movement,
as well as
Linking Words
creating
Wrong verb form
create
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 massive job opportunities for
population
Correct article usage
the population
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.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
education
Use synonyms
 is one of the most crucial
subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
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,
Punctuation problem
;
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 it can elevate
a
Correct article usage
apply
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knowledge and
better
Verb problem
provide better
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opportunity
Fix the agreement mistake
opportunities
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 in the future for residents.
Therefore
Linking Words
, these subjects
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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 similar advantages for
government
Correct article usage
the government
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.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
healthcare
Use synonyms
play
Correct subject-verb agreement
plays
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 a vital role
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 increasing human capital, infrastructure and
education
Use synonyms
 offer more systematic and holistic
to
Check wording
approaches to
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 create a healthy
economic
Replace the word
economy
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 for a country.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I
belive
Use the right word
believe
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 both
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
healthcare
Use synonyms
 and infrastructure or
education
Use synonyms
 are important
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
education
Use synonyms
 ultimately has
greater
Correct article usage
a greater
show examples
 impact
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
on developing a country.

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organization
Plan with a clear intro that states the topic and your view, then 2–3 clear ideas in the body, and a short conclusion that repeats your view.
linguistic
Use simple link words to connect ideas smoothly (for example: but, also, however, in addition).
grammar
Check grammar and sentence form; aim for short, clear sentences.
content
Make sure your examples clearly support the point you make and connect them to your idea.
style
Keep sentences short and avoid long, run-on lines; break ideas into separate sentences.
content
The essay tries to discuss both sides.
content
It uses examples such as Japan and on infrastructure to show points.
structure
The overall layout follows a basic plan with an intro, body, and conclusion.
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