IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that competion at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

In recent years,
competition
Use synonyms
 at work, education and daily life or corporation should be prioritised
instead
Linking Words
 has become a broad issue
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the general public. Some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that
competition
Use synonyms
 can motivate individuals to perform at their best,
others
Correct word choice
while others
show examples
 think that collaboration generally brings more sustainable and meaningful outcomes. I agree with the latter idea. Discussed below are several reasons supporting my perspective. First and foremost,
Use synonyms
people
Check wording
people's
show examples
 support for
competition
Use synonyms
argue
Correct subject-verb agreement
argues
show examples
 that it is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 strong force that encourages them to perform
their
Change preposition
to their
show examples
 highest potential.
In other words
Linking Words
,
competition
Use synonyms
 has its advantage of boosting
people
Use synonyms
 to surpass others by making them do their best.
For example
Linking Words
,
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
many
comanies
Correct your spelling
companies
 decide to put online posters on their website and
fanpage
Correct article usage
the fanpage
show examples
 of
top
Correct article usage
the top
show examples
 employee of the year with
Correct article usage
the benefit
show examples
benefit
Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
show examples
 they get, which leads many employees who have low performances to increase their performance up to 60%.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 can
sometime
Fix the agreement mistake
sometimes
show examples
makes
Correct subject-verb agreement
make
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 do negative things in
there
Use the right word
their
show examples
 work to achieve their goals.
In addition
Linking Words
, many
people
Use synonyms
, including myself, believe that
cooperate
Replace the word
cooperation
show examples
 is more valuable in
long
Correct article usage
the long
show examples
 term. Modern working
environment
Fix the agreement mistake
environments
show examples
 increasingly require teamwork, as most complex tasks-from scientific research to business operations-demand collaboration
than
Rephrase
rather than
show examples
 individual rivalry. When
people
Use synonyms
 cooperate, they share knowledge, support on
another
Fix the agreement mistake
other
show examples
, and create a more positive environment that reduces stress and burnout.
Moreover
Linking Words
, cooperative settings tend to produce innovative solutions, as diverse perspectives can be combined to address
challanges
Correct your spelling
challenges
 more effectively. For these reasons,
cooperations
Fix the agreement mistake
cooperation
show examples
 is often considered
as
Use the right word
a
show examples
 more sustainable and inclusive approach than
competition
Use synonyms
. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
competition
Use synonyms
 can be
Correct article usage
a usefull
show examples
usefull
Correct your spelling
useful
 source of motivation, cooperation generally leads to healthier working
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
show examples
 and better long-term outcomes.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I believe that
people
Use synonyms
 should place
grater
Use the right word
greater
show examples
 emphasis on working together rather than competing against
on
Use the right word
one
show examples
 another.

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tip
Make your idea clear in each paragraph. Start with a clear sentence that tells what that paragraph will talk about.
weakness
Work on grammar and spelling. Use simple, correct sentences.
tip
Use linking words to connect ideas, such as 'and', 'but', 'however', 'in addition'.
tip
Give one clear example for each main point and explain it.
strength
The writer has a clear view and tries to state it.
strength
The essay discusses both sides and ends with a view.
strength
There is an attempt to give examples to back points.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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