IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

With the increasing popularity of online streaming services, traditional cinemas are struggling. Is this the inevitable future of entertainment? What measures could cinemas take to compete?

In
this
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 modern technological era, online websites have become a part of modern life. It is said that old cinema systems are facing struggles,
while
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 the popularity of online platforms is accelerating. In the future, traditional
Use synonyms
theaters
Change the spelling
theatres
show examples
 will remain a part of the entertainment
industry
Use synonyms
 if they take some approaches now. Online streaming services and cinemas play a significant role in the entertainment
industry
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. Nowadays, numerous spectators still prefer to visit
Use synonyms
theaters
Change the spelling
theatres
show examples
 to watch horror and comedic movies with their families and friends. There are some reasons why cinemas might be facing obstacles. The main reason behind the popularity of online platforms is associated with
features
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, including quality, a comfortable environment, no cost
on
Change preposition
for
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 movies, and many more.
However
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, all these
features
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 are lacking in cinemas. A person can enjoy themselves with a high-quality HD
movie
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 at home without charges
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
 YouTube or Dailymotion. It is often suggested that the issue of old
movie
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Use synonyms
theaters
Change the spelling
theatres
show examples
 struggling can be resolved by taking some essential steps.
First,
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by
organizing
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organising
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 special events,
such
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 as
theme
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themed
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 movies based on
80's
Correct your spelling
80s
 costumes and moral stories, and live events screening of sports.
Moreover
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, the
modernization
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modernisation
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 of the venue will ensure accessibility of
features
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, including comfortable seats, good lighting systems for spectators, guest satisfaction, and availability of friendly staff.
Overall
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, these kinds of approaches would be helpful for the improvement of cinema trends. To illustrate, in Australia, several
movie
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theaters
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theatres
show examples
 have already launched
features
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 for the better hospitality of guests, like innovative soda drink vending machines,
polarized
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polarised
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 glasses with comfortable seats, and a good environment. In conclusion, in the entertainment
industry
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, old
movie
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Use synonyms
theaters
Change the spelling
theatres
show examples
 are having
less
Fix the agreement mistake
fewer
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 popularity issues,
while
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 online websites are being
prioritized
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prioritised
show examples
 more by the public.
This
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 might be a threat
for
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to
show examples
 the future of the cinema
industry
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but
Punctuation problem
, but
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can
Correct pronoun usage
it can
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 be alleviated by taking essential steps, namely by arranging captivating events and improving some
features
Use synonyms
.

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structure
Plan your essay around one idea per paragraph. Make a clear line from start to end.
coherence
Use small link words to help flow, like First, Also, Then, But, In addition.
development
Give clear examples or facts to back your point, from life or data.
content
The essay mentions a view and gives steps to help cinema.
example
There is a real place example to show a point.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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