IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this .

After finishing high school,
adolescent
Correct word choice
young
show examples
 people can be inspired to have a
year
Use synonyms
, in which they try out a job or travel before enrolling
into
Change preposition
on
show examples
 university; Many
countries
Use synonyms
 have adopted
this
Linking Words
 policy.
This
Linking Words
 essay will
further
Linking Words
 demonstrate
positive
Correct article usage
the positive
show examples
 and negative aspects of
this
Linking Words
 approach. First things
first,
Linking Words
one of the major advantages of using a “gap
year
Use synonyms
” is
experience
Correct article usage
the experience
show examples
 that you gain from trying new professions or observing the life of other
countries
Use synonyms
besides
Linking Words
yours
Correct pronoun usage
your
show examples
.
Correct word choice
own.
show examples
Additionally
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 whole act can be seen as
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
career guidance, because young people are trying out occupations that they might be interested in the future
, on
Punctuation problem
. On
show examples
 top of
that
Punctuation problem
that,
show examples
 they can start developing their soft skills and networking by communicating with people in other
countries
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
,
2017
Correct article usage
the 2017
show examples
 Dallas University survey results showed, freshmen students
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 had a free
year
Use synonyms
 after finishing school
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 had
more
Correct word choice
a better
show examples
 understanding of their chosen career and its value in other
countries
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, in some
countries
Use synonyms
 gap
year
Use synonyms
 is not an option because of the mandatory draft at the age of 18 into the army.
As a consequence
Linking Words
, healthy graduates are being forcefully put into harsh and sometimes dire conditions for a
year
Use synonyms
, in which they don't get any valuable skills whatsoever.
This
Linking Words
 absolutely wastes the opportunity for pre-academy career and competence development.
For instance
Linking Words
, I had to apply to the university as fast as possible after finishing my educational institution and had no chance to try
this
Linking Words
 work and travel possibility myself, because of the army conscription
;
Punctuation problem
,
show examples
 Which resulted in me not being interested in my profession. In conclusion, a break
year
Use synonyms
 can have a lot of productive outcomes for a student
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
 some of the learners don’t even have
an
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 ability to test it.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

development
Make your view clear. For a task that asks to discuss both sides, say your view or balance it in the end. Use short, clear examples to back your point.
structure
Start each paragraph with a clear topic sentence. Use simple links like first, next, also, but, however, so to show how ideas go.
grammar
Check grammar and use short, simple sentences. Break long sentences into two or three. Watch comma use.
vocabulary
Use easy words correctly. Avoid rare words. If you want to talk about gap year, use it well and avoid wrong phrases.
content
The essay tries to cover both sides of the issue.
structure
There is an introduction and a conclusion.
content
Some good ideas on how a gap year could help in future work and life.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cultural immersion
  • Life experience
  • Work ethic
  • Career readiness
  • Self-discovery
  • Delayed gratification
  • Intellectual stagnation
  • Financial implications
  • Social dynamics
  • Academic trajectory
What to do next:
Look at other essays: