IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Melody is a topic to discuss in many countries. I strongly agree with the idea that
music
Use synonyms
 provides
people
Use synonyms
 with an opportunity to bring
people
Use synonyms
 closer together and create connections. As far as I am concerned, listening to songs is effective. By
this
Linking Words
 I mean that
music
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 could be soothing, a stress buster, a mood changer, and more importantly, it is full of emotions which have the potential to build a relationship or connection among individuals.
For example
Linking Words
, when you like someone, you can send he/she a song that expresses your feeling, and by doing
this
Linking Words
, you can make friends.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
music
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 has produced some positive outcomes which are considerable.
While
Linking Words
 musical tastes may vary, the inherent emotional power of melody creates a common ground, making
music
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 an effective
stimulation
Replace the word
stimulus
show examples
 for gathering and unity among
people
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.
For instance
Linking Words
, when
music
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shared
Verb problem
is shared
show examples
 on social media like Instagram,
people
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 with different backgrounds and ages listen to that, and express their feelings by sending comments.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
music
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 creates a common feeling regardless of age differences.
For example
Linking Words
, all age groups love folk
music
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 because it often carries the shared
histoty
Correct your spelling
history
 and stories of
community
Correct article usage
the community
show examples
. In conclusion, I strongly agree with the idea, and in my opinion,
music
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 is a common universal voice, and it has nothing to do with age groups or different cultures
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
 it is all about the inherent feel of a human being.

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task response
Make the idea in the intro very clear and add one strong point with more detail in the body. Do not stay on one idea only; give more proof or examples.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with small steps. Use good words to show how one idea leads to the next. Start with a short plan in your head before you write.
coherence and cohesion
In the end, rest the main view in one line. Make the last sentence clear and not too long.
task response strength
The writer gives a clear view and stands with it all through.
examples
There are real ideas and some examples to show the point.
structure
Intro, body paragraphs and a short ending are present.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • universal language
  • evoke
  • connect
  • diverse audiences
  • cultural exchange
  • generational gaps
  • shared experiences
  • unifying force
What to do next:
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