IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The chart shows the expendtiure on three cateogries among different age groups of residents in the UK in 2004.

The bar chart compares the
expenditure
Use synonyms
 of UK residents across three different categories in 2004.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
expenditure
Use synonyms
 on
food
Use synonyms
 and
drink
Use synonyms
 was the highest among
people
Use synonyms
 aged over 76,
while
Linking Words
 the lowest spending was observed among young
people
Use synonyms
 under 30. In 2004, spending on restaurants and hotels was higher among
people
Use synonyms
 under 30 than
expenditure
Use synonyms
 on
food
Use synonyms
 and
drink
Use synonyms
, at approximately 14% and 6% respectively. With regard to residents aged 31 to 45, spending on
food
Use synonyms
 and
drink
Use synonyms
 was the highest among all categories, at nearly 13%.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
expenditure
Use synonyms
 on entertainment was highest among older residents aged 61-75,
while
Linking Words
 spending on restaurants and hotels was the lowest for
this
Linking Words
 age group, at around 23% and just 2% respectively. The oldest age group, those over 76, spent the highest proportion on
food
Use synonyms
 and
drink
Use synonyms
 compared to other categories, accounting for 23%.
By contrast
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 aged 46 to 60 spent the least on restaurants and hotels, at roughly 11%.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words expenditure, food, drink, people with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "compares" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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