IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Many countries are facing problems related to obesity. Why is this happening, and what can be done to tackle this issue?

Some individuals
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 get their diet without considering
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their health and body. Now they are used to
deep fried
Use the right word
deep-fried
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food
Use synonyms
 and instant
food
Use synonyms
. In many societies,
suffering
Wrong verb form
people suffer
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 from fat bodies.
This
Linking Words
 essay will outline the main causes of
this
Linking Words
 problem and propose practical solutions. One major reason for rising obesity rates is the widespread
of
Check wording
availability of
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 unhealthy fast
food
Use synonyms
.
Nowadays
Punctuation problem
Nowadays,
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people
Use synonyms
 prefer quick, convenient meals that are high in fat, sugar and calories.
As a result
Linking Words
,
regular
Replace the word
regularly
show examples
 having
these
Fix the agreement mistake
this
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food
Use synonyms
 leads to weight gain. Another reason is the lack of physical activities and
exercises
Fix the agreement mistake
exercise
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. With the
cutting edge
Use the right word
cutting-edge
show examples
 technology,
people
Use synonyms
 spend more time sitting in front of computers, televisions and mobile phones, that’s why reduces their daily exercise. Children are becoming less active
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 they spend more time playing video games.
Additionally
Linking Words
, poor awareness about clean eating
food
Use synonyms
 in some areas. To reduce obesity, governments and individuals must take
an
Correct article usage
apply
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action.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
government
Correct article usage
the government
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 can promote public health campaigns to teach
people
Use synonyms
 about the importance of a balanced diet and regular exercise. Schools should
also
Linking Words
 include more physical activities and teach students about healthy habits and clean eating.
Secondly
Linking Words
, governments should advertise
about
Change preposition
apply
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junk
food
Use synonyms
. Another practical solution is promoting
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
healthy
food
Use synonyms
 by supporting home-made
food
Use synonyms
business
Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
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 and encouraging
people
Use synonyms
 to cook at home. Everyone should
be get
Verb problem
make
show examples
health
Replace the word
healthy
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conscious
Correct word choice
apply
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choices to stay active and reduce
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
unhealthy
food
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, obesity is increasing mainly
due to
Linking Words
 unhealthy eating habits and a lack of physical activity.
People
Use synonyms
 should be active and healthy.
This
Linking Words
 essay will
explains
Wrong verb form
explain
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main
Correct article usage
the main
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 causes of
this
Linking Words
 issue and
suggests
Correct subject-verb agreement
suggest
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 effective ways to solve
this
Linking Words
.

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structure
Plan your essay with a clear map: intro, two body paragraphs, and a short conclusion.
language
Make each sentence clear and fix grammar errors.
cohesion
Stick to one big idea in each paragraph and add word links to flow from one idea to next.
content
Explain how each cause leads to fat build up and give a clear fix for each.
language
Use simple and common words; check for wrong word forms.
structure
Clear topic and a plan to talk about a problem and fix.
content
Some good ideas on fast food and time use.
structure
There is a short ending that sums up.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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