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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The chart below gives information on the percentage of British people giving money to charity by age range for years 1990 and 2010

The bar graph provides data on the proportion of the population from England, Wales and Scotland , giving money to charity by different ages in the years 1990 and 2010
Overall
Linking Words
, in both years, the total number of
society
Check wording
people
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 who give charity from early ages up to 50 has kept increasing. Whilst the number of older ones had decreased in both years , 1990 and 2010, respectively. In the year 1990,
people
Use synonyms
 aged 36-50 won the highest among the others,
in contrast
Linking Words
 number of younger society aged 18-25 is the lowest.
However
Linking Words
, the illustration is making it obvious that
people
Use synonyms
 in their late thirties and
mid sixties
Use the right word
mid-sixties
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 are the most giving to charity,
then
Linking Words
 it drops nearly 13% when getting older In 2010,
people
Use synonyms
 aged 51-65 were illustrated as the highest , with almost 40%,
in contrast
Linking Words
 to the count of
people
Use synonyms
 in the age 36 to 65< in 1990, the statistic of
people
Use synonyms
 in 2010 is higher.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "in contrast".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words people with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • charity
  • give money to charity
  • donate
  • percent
  • age
  • group
  • year
  • 1990
  • 2010
  • highest
  • lowest
  • more
  • less
  • rise
  • increase
  • fall
  • decrease
  • go up
  • go down
  • stay the same
  • change
  • pattern
  • trend
  • compare
  • difference
  • overall
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