IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Animal are in danger of extinction. Some people say that we should protect only those animals which are useful to humans. Do you agree or disagree with this.

The rate of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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extinction
Use synonyms
 of so many rare
animals
Use synonyms
 is growing rapidly. Some individuals argue that only the
animals
Use synonyms
 that are useful to humans should be preserved
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
however
Linking Words
, others state that all animal
species
Use synonyms
 should be protected from
extinction
Use synonyms
. It is undeniable that there are some specific
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
 of
animals
Use synonyms
 that are hugely beneficial in
human's
Check wording
human
show examples
 life. Livestocks
such
Linking Words
 as cows,
sheeps
Correct your spelling
sheep
 and pigs are an important source of protein in our daily meals
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 we can produce dairy, which is rich
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
calsium
Correct your spelling
calcium
, from
those
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
. Other
animals
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as
mouses
Check wording
mice
show examples
 are used widely in some laboratory
experimentations
Replace the word
experiments
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 and for
discovery
Correct article usage
the discovery
show examples
 of new
medicine
Fix the agreement mistake
medicines
show examples
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as different vaccines
as
Punctuation problem
, as
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 their reaction is close to
Correct article usage
the human's
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human's
Correct determiner usage
the human
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 body. If
such
Linking Words
 useful
animals
Use synonyms
will be
Verb problem
become
show examples
extincted
Correct your spelling
extinct
, it might take a long time to find a replacement for their
usecases
Correct your spelling
use cases
.
For example
Linking Words
, people should use artificial
source
Fix the agreement mistake
sources
show examples
 of vitamins
such
Linking Words
 as
calsium
Correct your spelling
calcium
 capsules
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 might not be as effective as natural and nutritious cow milk or goat cheese.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, all animal
species
Use synonyms
 should be preserved from
extinction
Use synonyms
. If environmentalists do not pay enough attention to saving
in danger
Use the right word
endangered
show examples
species
Use synonyms
, it will have detrimental consequences on biodiversity and
ecosystem
Correct article usage
the ecosystem
show examples
. In
natural
Correct article usage
a natural
show examples
 ecosystem, everything is highly dependent on each other.
For example
Linking Words
, the
extinction
Use synonyms
 of some insects can lead to ruining the forests or a lot of farm products. In conclusion,
Linking Words
Although
Fix capitalization
although
show examples
 I believe that we should
prioritize
Change the spelling
prioritise
show examples
 protecting the
animals
Use synonyms
 that are highly beneficial to
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
 from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
extinction
Use synonyms
, I disagree that the other
species
Use synonyms
 that are not directly related to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
humans' needs should
get
Verb problem
be
show examples
 neglected.

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task response
Be clear about your main view in the first paragraph and restate it in the conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Use simple links to join ideas and keep one idea per paragraph to help flow.
language
Check small grammar and spelling mistakes; simple phrases work best for a clear essay.
content
You give a view on useful vs not useful animals and give a view.
support
You use examples to support points (farm animals and mice in labs).
structure
Intro and conclusion are present.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • biodiversity
  • ecosystem
  • extinction
  • intrinsic value
  • conservation
  • ecotourism
  • species
  • moral responsibility
  • utility
  • foreseen consequences
What to do next:
Look at other essays: