IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that children should do paid work to learn important life skills. Others believe they should focus on studying. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Nowadays, there is no denying the fact that many parents prefer teaching their
children
Use synonyms
 essential life skills by encouraging them to do paid work, which can help them become more independent and responsible as they grow.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, many families say that focusing on school is more important and beneficial for
children
Use synonyms
 because education plays a major role in shaping their future careers.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss
this
Linking Words
 topic from both points of view, and
also
Linking Words
 express my personal opinion.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, there are many advantages to working to earn money for
children
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, they will appreciate things in their lives, because they will pay from their budget or just now about how their parents buy it.
Also
Linking Words
, they will feel responsible for keeping their things and
this
Linking Words
 skill will they find benefit them in the future.
Moreover
Linking Words
, they will learn how to communicate with others and convince them to buy. But
this
Linking Words
 will reduce their
time
Use synonyms
 to study, and it will affect their academic performance.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, focusing on school like any other student may have a positive impact. Started with student spend all their
time
Use synonyms
 studying and take some rest to go back to studying. These students will achieve a higher score in the future, which allows them to enrol in a good major in different universities,
such
Linking Words
 as medicine or engineering.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, these
children
Use synonyms
 have long leisure
time
Use synonyms
 to create or do anything, and parents must help their
children
Use synonyms
 to invest in their free
time
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, there are no easy answers to
this
Linking Words
 question. On balance,
however
Linking Words
, I strongly believe that Focus on young students to achieve a higher grade,
besides
Linking Words
 helping them to discover other areas,
such
Linking Words
 as paid work will benefit them from different sides. If these
children
Use synonyms
 manage their
time
Use synonyms
 effectively and stay focused on their subject.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
State your own view clearly in the introduction and restate it in the conclusion.
task response
Make a clear plan: write one paragraph on paid work, one on study, then a short conclusion.
coherence cohesion
Start each paragraph with a clear topic sentence to guide the reader.
coherence cohesion
Use simple linking words to show order and contrast, like first, next, but, however, also, in addition.
coherence cohesion
Keep sentences short and simple to avoid mistakes and improve accuracy.
content
The essay tries to cover both sides of the topic.
content
There are some ideas about money and responsibility that show you think about life skills.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: