IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think that the government is wasting money on the arts and this money could be better spent elsewhere. To what extent do you agree with this view?

In recent years, the funding of the
arts
Use synonyms
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 become increasingly contentious, with some saying that the government is wasting money on the
arts
Use synonyms
 and could be better spent
elsewhere
Linking Words
. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will explain why I strongly disagree with
this
Linking Words
 statement. The reallocation of funding from the
arts
Use synonyms
 may go towards funding towards a more sustainable and accessible future.
Perspective
Correct article usage
The perspective
show examples
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 those who share
this
Linking Words
 view
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 those who believe the funding could go to research. Scientific research, more specifically
medically
Replace the word
medical
show examples
, has a lot of areas that are underfunded, and some believe that these studies need more funding than the
arts
Use synonyms
. Areas may include studies regarding cancer, genetic disorders
such
Linking Words
 as Thalassemia, and pandemics like
covid-19
Use the right word
COVID-19
show examples
, which may include quality of life for many members of society.
Although
Linking Words
 I believe that there are definitely valid causes that are beneficial to our society that money could be redirected towards, I believe that
Use synonyms
arts
Correct article usage
the arts
show examples
 are just as important, if not more. The
arts
Use synonyms
 are a big influence on society and even on global politics. One of the biggest industries reinforces
this
Linking Words
:
Punctuation problem
:
show examples
 the entertainment industry. Ranging from contemporary films to
k-pop
Fix capitalization
K-pop
show examples
 music videos, many works from
this
Linking Words
 industry have influenced socioeconomics and politics.
For example
Linking Words
, journalism is the art of writing to an audience to influence them, whether to pick a certain political party
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 or to create segregation and chaos for economic gain. Whilst more abstract, another good example of
arts
Use synonyms
 being used for politics
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 musicals and films depicting revolutions and wars, like Les
Miserables
Correct your spelling
Misérables
 and The Boy in
Striped
Correct article usage
the Striped
show examples
Pajamas
Change the spelling
Pyjamas
show examples
. These symbolic works have struck the hearts of many and have become a symbol of social injustice
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 are a reminder of the lives affected by conflict, a harsh reality check for
desensitized
Change the spelling
desensitised
show examples
 audiences. Other than
this
Linking Words
, the implications of
arts
Use synonyms
 education
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 the continued cultural heritage.
For example
Linking Words
, “Khon” is an art form of shadow puppetry popular in rural regions of Thailand. Without art education, many younger Thai and foreign populations wouldn’t know about the craft, as modernisation has caused
less
Fix the agreement mistake
fewer
show examples
 cultural events to be done continuously. In conclusion, I strongly believe that governments should not reallocate funds for
Use synonyms
arts
Correct article usage
the arts
show examples
 towards other sources. Despite many important causes that need funding,
such
Linking Words
 as disease and sustainability, in the modern world,
Use synonyms
arts
Correct article usage
the arts
show examples
 have become increasingly important as they are the preservation of culture and symbolise
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
human emotions and
experience
Fix the agreement mistake
experiences
show examples
.

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structure
Make a plan before you write. Use a clear intro, three body parts each with one idea and one example, then a short conclusion.
coherence
Use better linking words to show how ideas go together and to guide the reader.
grammar
Fix small grammar errors and use simpler words. Break long sentences into two.
examples
Give more clear and strong examples that fit the point you make.
argumentation
Mention a counter-argument and then restate your view to show balance.
strength
The writer takes a clear view against the idea.
strength
Good choice of real items (arts and culture) as a reason.
strength
There are good examples that show value of art.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • enriching society
  • promoting cultural understanding
  • development of talent
  • creative industries
  • economic benefits
  • generate revenue
  • cultural heritage
  • identity
  • prioritize spending
  • needs of the majority
What to do next:
Look at other essays: