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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think competitions inside and outside of school are necessary for children to prepare for their future. Others think it's bad . Discuss both views and state your opinion.

Many parents worry that too many competitive
activities
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, both inside and outside the school curriculum, may negatively affect
children
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,
while
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 others believe these
activities
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 are beneficial. In my view,
although
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 competitions can support
children
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’s personal development, having too many of them can harm their mental health. On
one
Correct article usage
the one
show examples
 hand, competitions can improve
children
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’s creativity and problem-solving skills. When students take part in public speaking contests or debate events, they learn how to think quickly and express their ideas clearly.
Such
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activities
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also
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 help them build confidence and improve communication skills.
Therefore
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, well-designed competitive events can contribute to students’ emotional growth and
overall
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 development.
On the other hand
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, participating in too many
activities
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 may lead to stress and exhaustion.
Children
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 need time to relax and play, and if they spend most of their day preparing for competitions, they may feel overwhelmed. Several studies suggest that students should balance study time with adequate rest to maintain good mental health. Without
this
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 balance,
children
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 may experience anxiety, burnout, or other health problems. In conclusion,
while
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 competitive
activities
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 can help
children
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 gain important life skills, too much pressure can harm their well-being.
For
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this
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 reason, parents and schools should manage
children
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’s schedules carefully to ensure a healthy balance between learning and rest.

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content
Add more clear and specific examples from school life to show ideas.
cohesion
Use linking words to show contrast and add flow between ideas.
structure
State a clear view at the start and keep it in the end; restate it well.
language
Check word choice and small grammar so the text is clean.
content
Clear view with a balanced look at good and bad sides.
structure
Good order: intro, body, then conclusion.
language
Easy to read and follow.
style
Use plain, simple words well.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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