IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In some countries, it can be very difficult for people over the age of 50 to get good jobs, despite their experience. What do you think are the causes of this proble

In many societies, finding an adequate career after the age of so can be complex for individuals,
although
Linking Words
 they are skilled. The principal cause of
this
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 problem is high expectations among
elderlies
Check wording
the elderly
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;
therefore
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, a possible solution for it is that they try to be more realistic.
This
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 essay will discuss the main problems related to
this
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 subject and suggest practical solutions to address them.
middle age
Use the right word
middle-aged
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 people require a high amount of salary.
This
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 is because they have collected valuable experiences over a long period of time in their lives;
hence
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, they prefer to
recieve
Correct your spelling
receive
 more money in comparison to youngsters.
For example
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, in 2010, in China, 60% of
older
Correct article usage
the older
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 workforce requested to obtain a satisfactory range of income
due to
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 their expertise rather than
Correct article usage
the youths
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youths
Fix the agreement mistake
youth
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. Over the age of
50
Add a comma
50,
show examples
 it is possible that the ability to acquire new knowledge diminishes.
As a result
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 of
this
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 stereotype,
There
Fix capitalization
there
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 are many old individuals
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 who are deprived of achieving an appropriate profession,
although
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 they are mentally as
health
Replace the word
healthy
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 as the younger generation.
Specially
Rephrase
Specifically
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, they try to stay up to date thanks to modern technology.
For instance
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,
In
Fix capitalization
in
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 2020, in Iran, the government decided to impose limitations on
recruit
Wrong verb form
recruiting
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 citizens over 50 years old;
thus
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, they
lose
Wrong verb form
lost
show examples
 the chance of finding a suitable job
,
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
 because authorities demanded
younger
Correct article usage
the younger
show examples
 generation to be employed
due to
Linking Words
 their sharper memories. In conclusion,
this
Linking Words
 essay mentions elevated expectations as a main problem preventing people over 50 from getting a suitable career, and a feasible approach would be to consider being more realistic.

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planning
Plan before you write. Make a small map: intro, 2 or 3 points, and a short ending.
coherence
Use clear links. Start each paragraph with a main idea and end with a link to the next idea.
content
Stick to one main cause in the essay and give one or two simple examples.
grammar
Check grammar and use simple, plain words.
structure
The writer tries to cover the topic and has a start with an intro and a conclusion.
content
There are some real examples used in the essay.
content
The topic is on 'people over 50 and jobs', which is clear.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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