IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people believe that wild animals should not be kept in zoos or other man-made environments as there is no longer a need for them in the 21st century. Do you agree or disagree?

It is often stated that
animals
Use synonyms
 should not be held in restricted areas,
such
Linking Words
 as
zoos
Use synonyms
 or
under
Change preposition
in
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protection
Replace the word
protected
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 surroundings. I agree with
this
Linking Words
 view because these
animals
Use synonyms
 suffer from being in these areas,
although
Linking Words
 the threat of hunters and
food
Use synonyms
 shortages in their
habitats
Use synonyms
 should
also
Linking Words
 be taken into account. There is some truth in the argument that
food
Use synonyms
 shortages and hunters'
threat
Fix the agreement mistake
threats
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 are harmful
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
Use synonyms
animals
Check wording
animals'
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life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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. Most
habitats
Use synonyms
 have been destroyed by human activities. If
animals
Use synonyms
 go back to their
habitats
Use synonyms
, they will not find enough
food
Use synonyms
.
As a result
Linking Words
,
the
Correct pronoun usage
their
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 population
of
Change preposition
apply
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them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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will decline, and they may
extinct
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
ultimately. In the
zoos
Use synonyms
, they have a feasible access to
food
Use synonyms
, and they are checked by doctors weekly.
In addition
Linking Words
, most
species
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 are threatened by hunters, especially endangered
species
Use synonyms
 can
be
Verb problem
become
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extincted
Correct your spelling
extinct
 if they have entered
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
previous
habitats
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, I believed that these kinds of protection
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 harmful for the ecosystem.
Species
Use synonyms
 which are kept in
zoos
Use synonyms
 cannot experience the real wildlife. It can weaken their body.
For example
Linking Words
, a recent study revealed that lions in the zoo have weaker muscles than lions in the forests.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
animals
Use synonyms
 have
more
Correct word choice
a greater
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 tendency to give birth in the environment and increase their population, and
this
Linking Words
 can help the government to reconstruct these
habitats
Use synonyms
.
To sum up
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
 it is partly true that keeping
animals
Use synonyms
is
Use the right word
in
show examples
zoos
Use synonyms
 is more suitable for them, I would argue that
species
Use synonyms
 are suffering from being in
zoos
Use synonyms
 and
Linking Words
this
Fix the agreement mistake
these
show examples
 actions are not helping them.

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task response
Make your view clear in the first paragraph and keep one main idea in each paragraph.
task response
Give more clear reasons and simple explanations for each idea, and link them to your view.
coherence
Use a simple and clear sequence: intro, 2 body parts, and short end.
coherence
Use linking words to show how ideas fit together, such as also, but, and, however, therefore.
grammar
Check spelling and word use. For example, use 'become extinct' not 'may extinct' and 'habitat' needs care.
stance
Clear view against zoos.
organisation
Some linkers and ideas connect in places.
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