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Writing Samples
Band 4

In recent years, the structure of a family and the role of its members are gradually band changing. What kinds of changes can occur? Do you think these changes are positive and negative?

In the past few years, there
is
Wrong verb form
has been
show examples
 a gradual change
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the structure of a family and their members'
Use synonyms
role
Fix the agreement mistake
roles
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. Significant change can be seen mostly in parents, since they are the foundation of the family.
This
Linking Words
 might be influenced by several factors that are
also
Linking Words
 changing over time. Differences
such
Linking Words
 as
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 people
has
Wrong verb form
having
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less
Fix the agreement mistake
fewer
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children
Use synonyms
, mothers
are
Wrong verb form
being
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 able to work,
stay at home
Use the right word
stay-at-home
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 fathers, and daughters pursuing higher
educations
Fix the agreement mistake
education
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, may
seems
Wrong verb form
seem
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 extremely rare if we thought about it in the early 1900s. Many people suggest that these changes brought more
of
Change preposition
apply
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positive impact rather than negative.
Use synonyms
Women
Check wording
Women's
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 empowerment plays a huge part
on
Change preposition
in
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 family planning. It enables
women
Use synonyms
 to decide the
amount
Check wording
number
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 of
children
Use synonyms
 they want to
gave
Use the right word
have
show examples
 birth to, make a decision to attend university, and stay working
while
Linking Words
 having
children
Use synonyms
. It
also
Linking Words
 shifted
man's
Fix the agreement mistake
men's
show examples
 perspective about
women
Use synonyms
 and gained their respect for
women
Use synonyms
. That might explain why
stay at home
Use the right word
stay-at-home
show examples
father
Fix the agreement mistake
fathers
show examples
were
Wrong verb form
are
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 quite popular nowadays.
Therefore
Linking Words
, any of it won't be possible without any sacrifices from former activists who were fighting for
women
Use synonyms
's rights. Another factor that might directly influence these changes is the development of family planning education. Science development, the country's
regulation
Fix the agreement mistake
regulations
show examples
, and international recommendations are now easily accessed from the internet.
According to
Linking Words
previous
Correct article usage
the previous
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 statement,
this
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 might not be accessible for all families,
hence
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 traditional teaching
method
Fix the agreement mistake
methods
show examples
 are still highly required. In conclusion, the change of family structure and
role
Use synonyms
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
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 based on positive causes.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, it cannot be apart from the
negativity
Replace the word
negative
show examples
 impact,
such
Linking Words
 as
women
Use synonyms
's double-burden for working and taking care of
children
Use synonyms
 and
decreasing
Correct article usage
the decreasing
show examples
role
Use synonyms
 of
father
Fix the agreement mistake
fathers
show examples
-
Punctuation problem
,
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might
Correct pronoun usage
which might
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influenced
Verb problem
be influenced
show examples
 by
double-burden
Correct article usage
the double-burden
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.
This
Linking Words
 shifting
role
Use synonyms
is need
Wrong verb form
needs
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 to be balanced out with men's adaptation, so that their parts
did
Verb problem
are
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 not left behind.

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task response
Make your answer a bit more clear. Say the changes first, then give your view. Give a direct yes or no on if the changes are good, and add a few clear reasons.
coherence
Use clear sign posts. Each paragraph should have one main idea and a simple link to the next idea.
coherence
Add more real life or simple facts to back your claim. A short example like how work and home life may rise or fall could help.
language
Check word form and grammar. Use simple form: 'have fewer children', 'stay-at-home fathers', 'women's education' etc.
structure
The essay has an introduction, body and conclusion.
content
It talks about both good and bad parts of the change.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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