IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that the government should tax unhealthy food and drinks to encourage people to eat healthier. Do the advantages of this policy outweigh the disadvantages?”

In today's fast-paced world, there is a
considerabler
Correct your spelling
considerable
 debate about whether it is right to levy a tax on
food
Use synonyms
 and drinks harmful to health.
While
Linking Words
 there are both advantages and disadvantages of the trend, I believe that the benefits surpass the drawbacks. One key downside is that imposing a tax on unhealthy
food
Use synonyms
 and beverages creates
financial
Correct article usage
a financial
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 burden, especially to those below the poverty line or students who usually study and work simultaneously.
In other words
Linking Words
, low-income families
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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high
Replace the word
highly
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 likely
struggle
Verb problem
to struggle
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 to feed their children, as the majority of them heavily rely on processed and junk
food
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
 their affordability.
For example
Linking Words
, an extremely poor person who lunches with instant noodles or convenience
food
Use synonyms
 may become
ill
Punctuation problem
ill,
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 not being able to buy anything to eat.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it limits personal freedom. From most people's perspective, it should be a choice to have
balanced
Correct article usage
a balanced
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 diet
not
Punctuation problem
, not
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state regulated
Use the right word
state-regulated
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.
Otherwise
Linking Words
, citizens may feel pressure and do not want to follow
strict
Correct article usage
the strict
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 rules of the government.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, there are numerous upsides of the development, the first of which is reduced consumption and health improvement. To put it another way, after the law is implemented, it is probable that obesity and related diseases will diminish.
According to
Linking Words
 the reports, sales of sugary and high-fat
food
Use synonyms
 and soft drinks decreased
substancially
Correct your spelling
substantially
 in Mexico on the grounds of the execution of
such
Linking Words
 law.
Furthermore
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, money which
come
Correct subject-verb agreement
comes
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 from it can be
channeled
Change the spelling
channelled
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 to the field of medicine, which reinforces public well-being.
For instance
Linking Words
, if a
hospitats
Correct your spelling
hospital's facilities
 are substandard, funds for the repair can be allocated or give
use
Use the right word
us
show examples
 some money on health programmes. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 negative aspects of the trend exist, its positive aspects prevail.

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planning
Plan what you will say. State your main point first, then give the reason.
grammar
Use easy grammar. Fix big errors and keep each sentence clear.
content
Use better examples. Make them easy to see and fit the point.
coherence
Link ideas with simple words like also, but, and then.
structure
Intro, body, and conclusion are in place.
content
You give reasons to back your view.
content
You show how tax can fund health work.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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