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Writing Samples
Band 5

Advertisements are good or bad for the society. You should spend 40 minutes on this task. Some people think that advertisements are good for the society whereas others oppose this view.Discuss both the views and give your

At the present moment, people are bombarded with a torrent of advertisements wherever they go.
While
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 some opine
mass
Correct word choice
that mass
show examples
 media can be really beneficial for the community, others completely disagree with
this
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 point of view.
In
Change preposition
From
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 my perspective,
although
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 raising public awareness through media and online platforms goes a long way, it does not necessarily mean it has no disadvantages. On the one hand, it plays a crucial role in increasing global awareness and appreciation. To clarify, Apple annually holds a convention discussing different features of its products. In
this
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 way, customers can make intelligent choices because they are aware enough of the quality of the products they want to buy.
Hence
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, Apple is one of the most well-liked companies all across the world.
On the other hand
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, businesses use tricky and flashy slogans.
In other words
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, information is often misinformation.
For example
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, some electronic cigarette factories exploit sexy women and celebrities to tempt teenagers to buy their products, which is not based on humanity at all.
Moreover
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, most of them encourage the culture of overconsumption. In fact, they persuade individuals to buy more than they need, which can pose a threat not only to their mental health but
also
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 to the environment. In conclusion,
while
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 advertisement makes a valuable contribution to increasing perception among dwellers, it can be really tricky in some aspects. I think its cons outweigh the pros, and everybody should be aware of some tricky slogans in the world of marketing.

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development
Add more balanced discussion by giving similar space to both sides; avoid strong bias in one paragraph.
coherence
Use clear connectors between ideas and paragraphs to show the flow of thoughts (First, Also, Finally).
grammar
Check grammar and word choice; replace awkward phrases (for example, 'increasing perception among dwellers') with simple, clear wording.
examples
Provide concrete and relevant examples that tie directly to the point you make about ads (e.g., impact on buying, health, or the economy).
structure
In the introduction and conclusion, state a clear position and restate it in a new way in the end.
structure
Clear position is stated in the introduction and repeated in the conclusion.
content
Two sides are presented with a basic example for each.
organization
Paragraphs are used to separate ideas (though transitions could be stronger).
Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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