IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

A country’s first duty to its citizens is to protect them. Therefore, it is logical that defense should take up a significant proportion of the national budget. In what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is argued
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 that
national
Correct article usage
the national
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 defence system should use major
fundings
Fix the agreement mistake
funding
show examples
 of a
country
Use synonyms
, as protection is the primary right of its people. I completely agree
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
this
Linking Words
 ideology and will discuss the reasons for my agreement in
this
Linking Words
 essay. Safety is the right of every living man on earth,
thus
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 making it a global discussion. Over the years, battles and wars have been a big part of our history. These fights over lands and territories
,
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apply
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 caused irreversible damage to
its
Fix the agreement mistake
their
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 occupants time and again. It is
therefore
Linking Words
, extremely
neccasary
Correct your spelling
necessary
 to use the
fundings
Fix the agreement mistake
funding
show examples
 provided by the population
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 to safeguard them from
such
Linking Words
 threats.
For example
Linking Words
, the recent war between Russia and Ukraine,
Both
Fix capitalization
both
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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nations are fighting for a common land,
although
Linking Words
 in the end, the
country
Use synonyms
 with
strongest
Correct article usage
the strongest
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 border protectors and fighters will result in a victory. Another historic event
,
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apply
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 was the tragedy of Hiroshima and Nagasaki
,
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apply
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 only if the air defence
were
Wrong verb form
had been
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stronger
Punctuation problem
stronger,
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 the airstrikes might have been defended, avoiding generations of genetic impact on the
habitants
Use the right word
inhabitants
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.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, investing in the army of a nation and its ammunition can make the
country
Use synonyms
 globally stronger
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
subsequently
Linking Words
,
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apply
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 will attract more investors and pioneers, increasing the GDP on the whole. It will
also
Linking Words
 allow the particular land a global recognition and superiority. One of the greatest
example
Fix the agreement mistake
examples
show examples
 of
such
Linking Words
trend
Correct article usage
a trend
show examples
,
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apply
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 is the United States of America, investing most of its capital in the strengthening of its
ammuniation
Correct your spelling
ammunition
Punctuation problem
, becomming
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becomming
Correct your spelling
becoming
 a superpower during the time of
Correct article usage
the second
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second world war
Fix capitalization
Second World War
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.
Therefore
Linking Words
, investing
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the protective layering of the nation can prove profitable not only ot its people, but
also
Linking Words
 to the government. Not only making the
country
Use synonyms
 a safe and peaceful land, but
also
Linking Words
 building its strength and
prosparity
Correct your spelling
prosperity
.

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grammar
Fix spelling and word form to make reading easy.
structure
Put one idea in each paragraph and start with a line that shows the idea.
cohesion
Use clear linking words and short sentences to help flow.
content
Use examples that fit the topic and check facts before using them.
lexis
Keep a simple style with common words to stay in the top 100 common words.
stance
You take a clear stand and keep to the view you show.
content
You show a link between defence money and national strength.
content
You try to show the topic with real events as a way to make your point.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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