IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the different home activities among young children in four different countries.

This
Linking Words
 chart illustrates the information about the different kinds of home activities in four different countries
Malaysia
Punctuation problem
: Malaysia
show examples
, China, Nigeria and Sudan. The data are given in
percentage
Fix the agreement mistake
percentages
show examples
.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen clearly that
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
teenagers
Change preposition
of teenagers
show examples
 were involved in computer
games
Use synonyms
 and there
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
very
Correct article usage
a very
show examples
 low percentage of people who read books. There
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
highest
Correct article usage
the highest
show examples
ratio
Use synonyms
 of Nigerian young
childern
Correct your spelling
children
 who spent their time on computer
games
Use synonyms
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 is almost 60% .
On the other hand
Linking Words
, China has
lowest
Correct article usage
the lowest
show examples
ratio
Use synonyms
 in
this
Linking Words
 activity.
Moreover
Linking Words
, Nigeria and Sudan were the
second highest
Use the right word
second-highest
show examples
ratio
Use synonyms
 countries in playing
game
Correct article usage
the game
show examples
, and the
ratio
Use synonyms
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 50%. In other
catagories
Correct your spelling
categories
 like board
games
Use synonyms
 and watching TV,
there
Use the right word
their
show examples
Use synonyms
ratio
Fix the agreement mistake
ratios
show examples
 were almost equal except
reading
Change preposition
for reading
show examples
. Sundan and Nigeria have the lowest
ratio
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 reading books.
Besides
Linking Words
 that, in China and
malaysia
Fix capitalization
Malaysia
show examples
,
there
Use the right word
their
show examples
 young
adults
Check wording
adults'
show examples
activites
Correct your spelling
activities
ratio
Use synonyms
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 almost
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
, which is nearly 15%, 25%, 30% and 20%, 25%, 30%. Eventually,
it is clear that
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 young
childern
Correct your spelling
children
 had less interest in reading books and they spent most of their time
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
playing
games
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Vocabulary: Replace the words games, ratio with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "ratio" was used 7 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: