The Graph shows the number of boys and girls playing sport in an English town in 2012.

The bar chart compares
boys
Use synonyms
and
girls
Use synonyms
in terms of
Tennis
Use synonyms
,
badminton
Use synonyms
, cycling, swimming,
football
Use synonyms
and
hockey
Use synonyms
in an English city in 2012.
Overall
Linking Words
,
football
Use synonyms
had the highest figure,
while
Linking Words
hockey
Use synonyms
recorded the lowest. Another noticeable trend is that
tennis
Use synonyms
had a higher
score
Punctuation problem
score,
show examples
while
Linking Words
cycling was lower than
badminton
Use synonyms
and
tennis
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.
In addition
Linking Words
, swimming showed a moderate number
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
still higher than
hockey
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.
Football
Use synonyms
stood at 60, making it the highest among all groups.
While
Linking Words
boys
Use synonyms
reached 60,
Linking Words
however
Rephrase
apply
show examples
girls
Use synonyms
only
about
Verb problem
reached about
show examples
25.
This
Linking Words
shows that
football
Use synonyms
was more popular among
boys
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.
In contrast
Linking Words
,
Hockey
Use synonyms
was significantly lower,
Use synonyms
Boys
Change preposition
with Boys
show examples
at 12 and
girls
Use synonyms
was 8.
Similarly
Linking Words
, swimming reached 50, showing a moderate level, and
girls
Use synonyms
scored slightly lower with 45.
By comparison
Linking Words
,
Tennis
Use synonyms
recorded
similar
Correct article usage
a similar
show examples
value with swimming
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
,
this
Linking Words
sport
Use synonyms
girls
Check wording
apply
show examples
recorded only 35, which was
lower
Correct article usage
a lower
show examples
figure.
Badminton
Use synonyms
showed a difference between
boys
Use synonyms
and
girls
Use synonyms
, with
boys
Use synonyms
at 40 and
girls
Use synonyms
slightly higher at 45. Meanwhile, cycling and
badminton
Use synonyms
showed similar results, with 40 for
boys
Use synonyms
and 35 for
girls
Use synonyms
. In general,
boys
Use synonyms
tended to have higher numbers in
football
Use synonyms
,
hockey
Use synonyms
and cycling,
while
Linking Words
girls
Use synonyms
had better scores in
badminton
Use synonyms
and swimming.
Tennis
Use synonyms
was enjoyed by both groups
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
still
boys
Use synonyms
were slightly higher.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words boys, girls, tennis, badminton, football, hockey with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 4 times.
Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "moderate" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "slightly" was used 3 times.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • more
  • fewer
  • difference
  • gap
  • total
  • number
  • boys
  • girls
  • sport
  • town
  • year
  • than
  • as
  • in
  • there were
  • there is
  • was
  • were
  • larger
  • smaller
  • higher
  • lower
  • top
  • bottom
  • equal
  • same
  • increase
  • decrease
  • rise
  • fall
  • grow
  • drop
  • change
  • stay
  • lead
  • outnumber
  • dominate
  • outpace
  • versus
  • compared with
  • in general
  • overall
  • for example
  • however
  • although
  • but
  • on the other hand
  • pattern
  • trend
  • feature
  • note
  • comment
  • describe
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