IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In some cities public parks and open spaces are being changed into gardens where local residents can grow their own fruit and vegetables. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

Nowadays, more and more people
Verb problem
are concern
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concern
Replace the word
concerned
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on
Change preposition
about
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 their health. Some people advocate rebuilding public
Use synonyms
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
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,
such
Linking Words
 as parks and open spaces,
to
Change preposition
into
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 gardens
where
Correct word choice
that
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 lead to
Correct article usage
the inhabitants
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inhabitants
Check wording
inhabitants'
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farm
Fix the agreement mistake
farms
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. I believe that the benefits of
this
Linking Words
 idea would
outrun
Verb problem
outweigh
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 its drawbacks.
This
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 essay will explain my reasons and thoughts. On the one hand, most of mankind suffer from unhealthy eating habits because
nature
Replace the word
natural
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food
Fix the agreement mistake
foods
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 are
inaffordable
Correct your spelling
unaffordable
 and difficult to find.
Therefore
Linking Words
, garden agriculture in public regions
doesn't
Verb problem
not
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 only
provide
Correct subject-verb agreement
provides
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 inexpensive and fresh fruit and vegetables to others, but it
also
Linking Words
 can promote a better lifestyle.
For instance
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, a larger
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
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 of developed countries encourage their residents
farming
Wrong verb form
to farm
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 on
Correct article usage
the rooftop
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rooftop
Fix the agreement mistake
rooftops
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in
Change preposition
of
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the
Correct pronoun usage
their
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building
Fix the agreement mistake
buildings
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.
This
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 can provide an opportunity to earn extra money,
as well as
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 build up an
environmental-friendly
Replace the word
environmentally friendly
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 place in busy cities.
Thus
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, it is beneficial to human beings and
circumstances
Correct pronoun usage
their circumstances
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.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, agriculture
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 public
Use synonyms
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
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 would deprive the
opportunities
Fix the agreement mistake
opportunity
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of using
Change preposition
to use
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 these places by others. Many people would enjoy their leisure time with their families in parks. If reconstruction in parks and open spaces, parents will have fewer chances to make wonderful and
unforgottable
Correct your spelling
unforgettable
 memories
to
Change preposition
with
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 their children. To illustrate, numerous studies demonstrate that public
Use synonyms
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
 can
give
Verb problem
provide
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 a reliable and enjoyable place to release
the
Correct article usage
apply
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pressure and negative
emotion
Fix the agreement mistake
emotions
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.
In addition
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, everyone should have
Correct article usage
the rights
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rights
Fix the agreement mistake
right
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 to use public
Use synonyms
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
. In conclusion, garden farming can provide fresh and cheap vegetables,
as well as
Linking Words
 improve our
enviornment
Correct your spelling
environment
. Meanwhile, we cannot sacrifice others' right to enjoy
nature
Replace the word
natural
show examples
 places.
Therefore
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, I suggest that the government can adopt
to
Change preposition
apply
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certain parts of
public
Correct article usage
the public
show examples
area
Use synonyms
change
Verb problem
to change
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farming
Correct article usage
the farming
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 purpose.

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task response
You stay with the task and take a view. To push your score up, add a clear plan in the intro and give more full points in each paragraph.
grammar
Your grammar and word form are not always easy. Some lines are hard to read. Use short, clear phrases.
coherence
Use linking words to show why and how ideas connect, like because, so, and also.
examples
Give one or two simple examples that fit the point and are easy to see.
lexical
Check spelling and word form; use plural for vegetables, parks, farmers, etc.
organization
The writer shows a clear view and makes an effort to talk about both sides.
content
There is a link between health and space use.
examples
Some example like rooftop farming is used.
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