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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In some countries, people follow the latest fashion and hairstyles. In your opinion, what is influencing this? Is it a good or a bad thing?

Being who you are is the ideal thought of many
people
Use synonyms
. With
this
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 credence, the
people
Use synonyms
 try to
persue
Correct your spelling
pursue
 the latest fashion and hairstyle that they
belive
Use the right word
believe
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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will be more attractive or trendy.
However
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, it
also
Linking Words
 has the
parodox
Correct your spelling
paradox
 that following the
trend
Use synonyms
 is not what we really determine;
people
Use synonyms
 just imitate each other and label it "trendy". In my opinion, what is influencing
this
Linking Words
 is the aesthetic industry or fashion industry because these
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
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 gain a lot of advantages from the
people
Use synonyms
's
trend
Use synonyms
. To make
the
Correct article usage
a
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 profit, entrepreneurs will find some celebrities to advocate
their
Change preposition
for their
show examples
 products or services to attract more customers. When influencers take the step,
people
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 usually go
along with
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 them.
For example
Linking Words
, in social media,
If
Fix capitalization
if
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 the famous
people
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 do or buy something, the
fans's
Verb problem
fans
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 often incline to do the same. So if businesses successfully distract
people
Use synonyms
 by denoting it as a "
trend
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",
people
Use synonyms
 will easily become their
customer
Fix the agreement mistake
customers
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. In my point of view, following fashion and hairstyles can be a double-edged
.
Check wording
sword.
show examples
 On the one hand, it can help us with
the
Correct article usage
apply
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social interaction because
people
Use synonyms
 often judge the book by its cover.
As a result
Linking Words
, if you appear to be chic and
having
Wrong verb form
have
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well-groomed
Correct article usage
a well-groomed
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 hairstyle,
people
Use synonyms
 will be more congeal with you.
On the other hand
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, if
people
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Verb problem
become addict
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addict
Replace the word
addicted
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 to it
exceedingly
Replace the word
excessively
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, they can be affected in many ways
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such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as
superfluous
Correct word choice
excessive
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 spending or psychological concerns. To some extent,
people
Use synonyms
 can waste their money on lavish attire, elaborate
jewelry
Change the spelling
jewellery
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, or other expensive things.
Linking Words
moreover
Fix capitalization
Moreover
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, some
people
Use synonyms
 try to do anything that
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is not what they exactly want to do just to follow the latest
trend
Use synonyms
. Later, it will cause
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
stress and become toxic to them. In conclusion, the beauty industry
convince
Correct subject-verb agreement
convinces
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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people
Use synonyms
 to consume their products or services by exploiting
the
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apply
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social
.
Check wording
norms.
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 It can be drawbacks or
benifits
Correct your spelling
benefits
, depending on
individual's
Correct article usage
the individual's
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 utility. But we should bear in mind "what purposes
we
Verb problem
do we
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 have to follow?"
.
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apply
show examples

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Grammar
Fix grammar and spelling. Use clear, short sentences.
Coherence
Make the flow better. Use simple linking words and group ideas in clear paragraphs.
Content
The topic is clear and you try to cover both sides.
Content
You use examples from social media to support your points.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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